


messages from last night

by salexectria



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal
Genre: Akechi is still Akechi but less murder more black mail, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Chatting & Messaging, Drunk Texting, M/M, More characters to be added, P5R Characters, Rating May Change, Sexting, Sexual Content, Underage Drinking, college shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:32:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27539176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salexectria/pseuds/salexectria
Summary: Akira Kurusu, first year psychology student, can’t resist flirting with trouble when he and his misfit group of friends cause mayhem on their floor. More specifically, mayhem in the form of a kitten they stole from a party and snuck into their dorm.Now they have to focus on not to getting caught breaking the rules by their RAs… too bad one of them is former The Detective Prince with a perfect case record. Things couldn’t get more complicated.That is, until Akira sleeps with him.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 82
Kudos: 262





	1. death, taxes, and drunk texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Akira Kurusu saw Goro Akechi, he crashed and burned like Icarus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [the song Akira is listening to when he crashes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYr96YYEaZY&ab_channel=B%C3%98RNSmusicVEVO)
> 
> Texts From Last Night prompts:  
> \--death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life  
> \--I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 27TH 2:58 AM

**[Joker]** hi

**[Joker]** ansswer me

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** w t f aren’t u out w/ryuji? why are u messaging me

**[Joker** **]** death, taxes, and me drunbk tsxting you are 3 certaintties in life, Futaba. get used to it

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** oh joy.

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** fine, i’ll bite. roll for damage

**[Joker]** i bonged champagnge.. i may have also done one (1) or more keg stnds, and slapped a bag o fwine? what in the atctual fuck am I doing w my life?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** certainly not ur best. Joker’s enfeebled 2

AUG 27TH 7:02 AM

**[Joker]** wow

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** sucks 2 suck bruh, gl in class w/the hangover (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ 

**[Joker]**...

AUG 27TH 7:18 AM

**[Joker]** jokes on you, im still drunk

* * *

The first time Akira Kurusu saw Goro Akechi, he crashed and burned like Icarus. 

He had been longboarding across the Todai campus, weaving in and around clusters of students crowding the sidewalk when the chance encounter happened. The first signs of his hangover he was dutifully ignoring with the help of a playlist Ann had made him. It was surprisingly good and the song he was listening to was catchy, even if he didn’t quite understand all the English lyrics. A good enough distraction to drown out the budding headache knocking at the base of his skull. (In hindsight, not one of his smartest ideas).

As he approached two girls walking in the center of the sidewalk, he noticed they were giggling. Passing excited whispers between themselves while looking at someone just ahead. Akira leaned back slightly, letting his shift in weight guide his board, taking him in a wide arc around the pair of blushing women as he tracked where they were gazing. A few feet ahead, a preppy looking young man with brown hair in a green pullover sweater was riding a bike, attracting the attention of quite a few people as he passed. And conveniently for Akira, he was clearing a path through the hoard of students. 

Akira leaned forward, kicking the ground to gain enough speed to stay in the wake of the cyclist’s route. His gaze fell on the man’s back, watching the way he moved his lean body with a natural grace, easily shifting between sitting and standing, to pedal and coast. He absolutely did not check out the cyclist's ass, as Akira was a respectable young man that did objectify and drool over strangers--even if said stranger’s dark pants did more than accentuate his--okay so maybe he was ogling a little bit. Sue him, the man had a great ass. Akira tore his eyes away from the very nice view to the messenger bag resting against the man’s left hip. An embroidered black letter “ _A_ ” the only mark in its light gray leather.

Akira contemplated how long he could follow him without it seeming weird, but before he could come to a conclusion the decision was made for him. The cyclist suddenly veered off the path and into the grassy quad to bypass a particularly large group of loitering people. Akira hugged the edge of the sidewalk to dodge the bodies and found himself unable to keep his eyes off the man on the bike for more than a second.

The grass slowed the cyclist down just enough that Akira was able to match pace with him, finally able to get a good look at his profile. Strands of his caramel colored hair billowed in the summer air framing the sharp features of his face like some kind of model Akira expected to only see on T.V… in fact, he was _sure_ he had seen him before, was it on T.V. somewhere…? The weight of Akira’s stare must have surely been felt, for the man turned his head and looked right at him. 

If you had asked Akira, he would have said the whole world stopped right at that moment for what he saw in that piercing maroon gaze stole his breath away.

Unfortunately for Akira, that momentary lack of oxygen his brain so desperately needed caused a temporary lapse in judgement. He somehow had managed to forget the cardinal rule of skating: _watch where you’re going_ . While locking eyes with the person who had perhaps the most gorgeous face he had ever seen (life’s not fair, a great ass _and_ a face to match? Which God did Akira need to submit a formal complaint to about fatal distractions?) fate rapidly closed in on his knees.

The world violently restarted as his shins collided into something painfully hard and immovable. The ground traded places with the clear sky as the momentum he had picked up flipped him head first over the side of a bench. His legs followed, and he was at the mercy of inertia and gravity as he got to know the metal construction a lot more intimately than he ever planned to, before rolling off it and landing unceremoniously on the concrete sidewalk, flat on his back. His longboard carried on valiantly without him down the pathway, the sound of its wheels grazing the pavement fading away the longer he stayed prone.

Of course, this display did not go unnoticed. Soft snickers and hushed laughter echoed from several directions, along with a few startled gasps. Akira groaned, rubbing the heel of his palms into his eyes. He needed to get up. Collect whatever was left of his dignity, find his (fake) glasses that were strewn from his face somewhere on his descent, and chase after his board. But the throbbing pain emanating from both his head and right knee was doing a pretty damn good job of convincing him to stay down, so he let himself wallow a few seconds longer than he should have. When he finally removed his hands from his face, he realized someone was staring down at him.

_Those eyes._

Perhaps it was some cruel joke by whatever God had heard his complaint and witnessed his epic fall, toying with his battered pride, for the cyclist he had been so caught up in was hovering over him with a perplexed expression on his face. The locks of his soft brown hair glowed gold around the edges, much like a halo, as he blocked out the sun. Akira’s lungs seized up a second time.

“That was quite the scene,” the cyclist spoke in a lilting voice, offering Akira a polite smile and a gloved hand, “are you always this reckless?” When Akira didn’t answer or take what was being extended to him, his divine rescuer’s expression slowly melted into one of concern. “Are you alright?”

Akira finally felt himself breathe. _He’s_ … _beautiful_.

And like before, the world seemed to come to a halt. Suspended in that moment, the cyclist gaped at him, eyes blown wide. Akira’s stomach clenched, his own eyes mirroring the maroon pair above him as it dawned on him that he had breathed the thought _out loud._ Akira was keenly aware that if he didn’t get his breathing under control he was going to suffer brain damage. Or more accurately, more brain damage than he already incurred from his accidental attempt at defying physics.

The cyclist recovered first.

“And you’re an idiot,” he muttered under his breath, breaking whatever hold had that had suspended itself a beat too long between them. His disarming smile slid easily back into place, though his eyes still held on to some of his shock. He grasped Akira’s forearm with a firm grip and pulled him to his feet. Once righted and safely situated on his feet, Akira’s lungs figured out how to start working properly. The flood of oxygen meant his brain could reboot and let him say something less incriminating of his blatant infatuation. Key word _could_. 

But his brain didn’t.

“Uhm, yeah. Thanks.” 

_Smooth Akira_ , he thought, cringing internally when one of the cyclist’s brows arched at his comment, _thanking him for insulting you, you’re_ _off to a great start_. 

He kind of wished he’d melt back into the concrete.

“You should really watch where you’re going.” The cyclist released his grip on Akira once Akira had stopped swaying. “You could have gotten seriously injured.”

The phantom feeling of gloved fingers pressing into his skin lingered where the cyclist had touched him. 

“Maybe,” Akira said with a slight shrug and half smile, “I’ve survived worse.” 

The cyclist gave him an odd look, mouth parting for a second as if to ask something but then thought better of it and instead pressed his lips into a thin line. Warmth rose to the surface of Akira’s face when he noticed the cyclist giving him a once over before meeting his eyes again.

The cyclist gestured towards his lower half. “You realize you’re bleeding.”

Akira glanced down to where the cyclist’s attention had been drawn and saw he was, indeed, bleeding. 

“Ah. Shit,” he said, fingers immediately finding themselves a piece of his fringe to twirl, “so I am.” 

A steady, thick trickle of blood was running down his leg and into his sock from a gash on his knee. As far as first impressions go, Akira thought it couldn’t get much worse than this. Getting caught by the person he was checking out, epically crashing, and then making an utter fool of himself as all his charm seemingly decided to take a vacation the moment one attractive boy with magnetizing eyes smiled at him.

There was a huff, followed by the sound of a button snap as the cyclist dug in his messenger bag. 

“Here.” A moment later a handkerchief was thrust at him. He dropped the curl he had been fiddling with to accept it. It had an embroidered “ _A_ ” in one of its corners, matching the font of his bag. “It looks pretty deep, I would apply pressure for a few minutes to stop the flow, and then immediately clean the wound once you get to wherever you were headed.”

Akira rubbed the soft fabric between his thumb and pointer finger. It was clearly high quality. “I’ll ruin this if I use it, are you su--”

The cyclist cut him off with a dismissive wave. “Cold water removes blood stains.” 

Grabbing his bike from where it was leaning against the bench, he swung his leg over to mount it.

“Then, uh...how do I get this back to you?” Akira asked, hoping to come off as his usual calm, cool, and collected self, and not at all the desperate, dumb, and dejected fool he was starting to feel he was becoming.

The fact that his handsome stranger would forever remember him as such was a serious blow to his ego. His dignity was at an all time low, which was a new feeling for Akira. One he quickly determined he loathed. He needed a chance to prove to this man with a fine ass he was not a fumbling idiot. Despite the clear evidence suggesting otherwise. 

What happened to all that charisma he had painstakingly cultivated during high school? 

“I don’t even know your name.”

The cyclist adjusted his messenger bag and tossed Akira an inquisitive look over his shoulder, eyes searching his face. A small smirk crept across the cyclist’s perfectly bowed lips, apparently having found what he was looking for. “If fate should bring us together again, I suppose you’ll get your chance to return it.”

And with a wink, ( _a wink!_ ) the blindingly beautiful cyclist took off, expertly dodging the flocks of bodies that had gathered to witness the commotion they had caused. Akira watched the cyclist until he vanished around the bend in the sidewalk, with his mouth left slightly open and his knee still profusely bleeding.

_Fate, huh?_

* * *

Akira suffered through the rest of his Wednesday classes in a muted agony. The discomfort of his hangover peaked early afternoon, quickly replaced by demanding aches from his altercation with the quad bench. It made getting comfortable during his lectures almost impossible. His back _hurt_ , and his knee consistently throbbed when he’d lower himself into and out of the lecture hall seats. Not to mention the sharp, shooting pain that would ricochet up his leg when he’d accidentally hit against the desk in an attempt to find a position that didn’t make him regret getting up that morning. Longboarding back to the dorms after his last class released him for the evening proved to be torture, so he opted to walk (limp, realistically) instead.

Thankfully though the bleeding had finally stopped, at the cost of the cyclist’s handkerchief. He fully intended to return the cloth after a thorough cleaning if he could, but the problem was Akira just wasn’t sure _how_ he would find the cyclist again. Tokyo University’s main campus was massive, not even taking into consideration the sister campus sites. On top of that, he didn’t even know if the cyclist even attended the university--it was very possible the guy could have just been passing through. But his face was so damn familiar…but even if he had seen him before, it would take nothing short of a _miracle_ to find him again.

If _fate_ , as the cyclist put it, gave him another opportunity… and they met again… Akira rationalized he could redeem himself a little bit by giving it back. Any chance of asking him out for coffee was ruined the moment Akira humiliated himself but at the very least then the _only_ memory the cyclist would have of him wouldn’t be one where he got taken out by a damn bench. Akira shuddered at the intrusive sensation of violently falling head over heels. 

All Akira really wanted to do was faceplant into his dorm issued extra long twin sized bed and maybe eat his weight in matcha pocky in fit of self-loathing to deal with these strange feelings, but as the dorm elevator dinged and he stepped onto his floor he found out fate truly had other plans. 

He was greeted by the sound of voices raised in animated chatter. Gazing down the hall, he saw his fellow residents loitering outside their dorms, leaning against door frames, darting between rooms, slowly making their way towards the common space where both wings of the dorm converged. Akira sighed. He had completely forgotten about the floor meeting tonight. His pocky pity party was going to have to wait.

Keeping his head down, he entered the lounge and quickly took a seat on the empty couch closest to the hall’s entryway, propping his board against its side. He intended to make a quick escape when it was over. The sooner his face was stuffed with matcha flavored treats the better. 

_“Incoming!_ ”

Akira had about two seconds to scoot closer to the arm of the couch in order to dodge the blonde blur that vaulted over it. 

“What’s bonkin, Kurusu?” The blur said, bouncing onto the cushion next to him. 

“ _Sakamoto-kun,_ ” a stern voice scolded, “Please be more respectful of your surroundings. You could have damaged something, or worse, _someone_.”

His roommate, Ryuji Sakamoto, straightened up immediately and scowled at the girl that had somehow materialized to stand before them. She had short, dark brown hair that cut just below her chin, and a thin braid crowning her head. The glare she was sporting bore absolute judgement down upon him.

“Well, it’s not like I did, I was watchin’ where I was landing,” said Ryuji defensively.

The glare intensified through narrowed eyes. “Not the point.”

Her sharp gaze suddenly fell on Akira and he fought the urge to sit up too. 

_Imposing would be a great word to describe her_ , Akira thought as he dropped his smile and met the pointed look she was giving him with a blank one of his own. This only seemed to irritate her further. 

“Don’t let Sakamoto’s influence rub off on you.” It sounded more like a threat than a warning.

“Well, we already live together, so. Too late,” Ryuji said, chin jutting out ever so slightly.

“He might actually benefit from Sakamoto-kun’s influence,” a pleasant voice interjected from somewhere behind him, and Akira’s heart came to a stuttering stop. “Perhaps then Kurusu-kun would have less disastrous luck with quad benches, if he learned how to dodge them.” 

_Oh. No._

_No no no no--_

Slowly, he turned to meet an all too familiar pair of alluring maroon eyes. Heat surged up the back of his neck, spreading to the tips of his ears and left him overheating in his v-neck as a fresh wave of mortification hit him like a speeding truck. He was crashing all over again. The cyclist from the morning pushed off from the wall behind the couch he had been leaning on, apparently the whole time Akira had been sitting there and failed to notice, and sauntered to the front of the room. His eyes never left Akira’s.

Fate was supposed to be on _his_ side when they met once more damn it.

Akira opened his mouth to say something he hoped would come off as clever in response but was cut off.

“Wait, _you_ were that kid that wiped out this morning? In the quad?”

Akira broke away from the cyclist to glance at the dark haired boy in gym clothes sitting on the couch opposite him.

“The one and only,” he said with much more bravado than he felt. Too hyper aware that the cyclist was still staring directly at him. 

Akira’s ears burned. 

“That was you, dude?” Ryuji laughed. “Some people in my nine am were talking about it.” 

“By the way, how is your knee?” 

Akira’s eyes snapped back to the cyclist. “It stopped bleeding. Guess I have you to thank for that.” 

The cyclist’s mouth turned up at the edges. Not quite a smile, but too innocent to be a smirk.

“Oh shit, did you really did get fu--”

“Language, Sakamoto-kun,” the imposing girl said. 

“I-I mean, oh snap,” Ryuji corrected, back straightening up a fraction again, “did you really get messed up? Lemme see?”

Akira swallowed the embarrassment forcing its way up his throat, and forced himself to play it cool. He pulled back the edge of his frayed cutoff shorts, the edge had partially obscured the deep gouge that left half the skin above and on his right knee cap missing, along with some serious bruising. The rest of his leg was littered with other small scratches and scabs.

“Dude that’s gonna scar.” Ryuji grinned. “Sick, we’re gonna match.”

Without being prompted, Ryuji rolled up his right pant leg to his mid thigh. “See these lines here? These are from emergency surgery I had to have when some douchebag broke my leg.” 

“Broke your leg?” Akira’s eyebrows disappeared into his fringe.

“Yeah, my asshole gym teacher in highschool hit me with his car. Anyway, here above my knee are the scars from where they had to put pins in to keep the rod in place. We’re scar bros.” Ryuji lifted his hand in the air.

_There’s a lot to unpack there_ , Akira thought to himself, but returned the grin Ryuji was giving him and high fived him anyway. Now was not the time, nor the place.

The imposing girl cleared her throat, clearly not amused by their antics. The same couldn’t be said about the cyclist, who was studying them intently with eyes alight with something Akira couldn’t quite place. Without staring at him openly at least. And he was not about to get caught doing that again. 

Imposing girl cleared her throat. “If we’re done showing off our idiocy, perhaps we can get the meeting started?”

She then left to herd the rest of the residents from the hall into the common space. Some of whom opted to stand in the back while others took places on the floor when the couches filled. Ryuji animatedly waved at Ann, his friend from high school, who rolled her eyes but still wandered over to squeeze in next to him.

The energy in the room was running rampant as excited whispers, peals of laughter, and muted squeals. It died in a hush when the imposing girl called everyone to attention.

“Welcome fifth floor residents of Shujin Hall. My name is, Nii--uh--”

She cut herself off as a tall, slender man stood up from the floor, and bowed. “My apologies, I just realized I am in the wrong dormitory. Please excuse me.”

All the eyes in the lounge followed him as he disappeared into the elevator. The silence left in his wake was broken with bouts of awkward laughter and hushed whispers the moment the doors to the elevator closed.

“How the eff do you walk into the wrong dorm and go up five floors?” Ryuji scoffed, face caught somewhere between amusement and disbelief, still staring at the elevators. 

“As I was saying,” the girl announced, bringing the attention back to the front of the room, “Allow me to introduce ourselves. My name is Niijima Makoto.” She gave a polite bow of her own before stepping aside and gesturing to the cyclist, who mimicked Niijima’s bow. “And this is Akechi Goro--”

The squealing from earlier returned in full force, amplified with a few shrieks and gasps that rippled around the lounge at once.

_“I told you it was him!_

_“I can’t believe it!”_

_“The Detective Prince!”_

_“Oh my god, It really is him!”_

_“Is he gonna be our RA?!”_

Akechi glanced up from his bow with a charming smile plastered on his face. “As some of you may have already deduced, Niijima-san and I will be your Resident Assistants. I am pleased to make all your acquaintances.”

Excitement washed over the common space again, mostly from the girls present. 

“Is he, like, an idol or somethin’?” Ryuji muttered, bumping into Akira’s shoulder to grab his attention, pulling Akira out of the epic internal face palming he was repeatedly doing. That’s why he was familiar.

Of all people to make a fool of himself in front of, it had to be _him._

“You seriously don’t know who he is?” Ann hissed, elbowing Ryuji sharply in his side, “He’s that high school prodigy, second coming of the Detective Prince! He got really famous a few years ago when he was in his third year for solving some like, a series of uncrackable high level cases. He’s here on a full scholarship from the SIU.”

The detective’s face had been a common occurrence on the news station Sojiro’s T.V. so often played in Leblanc during Akira’s last two years of high school. Though, studying the detective’s face now Akira understood why it took him a minute to recognize him. The Detective Prince had grown up. And had only gotten more attractive with age. 

He had grown into his preppy style of clothing, no longer looking like a lanky teen pretending to be an adult, but more like the young model Akira had mistaken him for. Some of the softer features that painted the detective as an innocent child star had sharpened into something that definitely could break hearts and bring people to their knees with just one twist of his lips. 

Or a well-timed glare in Akira’s case.

Ryuji frowned. “If he’s got it made, why’s he an RA then?”

Akira shrugged, still admiring the sloping angles of the detective’s face as he adjusted his tie around the white collared shirt peeking out from under his green sweater. “Sense of justice?”

“Maybe he wants to keep up his public image?” Ann supplied, twirling the end of a pigtail.

“Forever a snitch,” Ryuji grumbled, “he’s gonna make it impossible to get away with shit without getting arrested.”

Akira stopped staring just as the detective looked his way. 

“ _If_ ,” Akira leaned in conspiratorially to his friends, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth, “we get caught.”

Mischief danced in his roommates eyes. “Hell yeah!” 

Luckily his roommate's cheer was lost to the sea of babbling girls that Niijima-san was still attempting to quiet down. Once settled, she resumed her speech. 

“We would like to go over a few ground rules, seeing as it is the start of the semester and for many of you this is your first term at Todai. You may be unfamiliar with the dormitory protocol.”

Niijima and Akechi took turns explaining the very obvious, in Akira’s opinion, university wide rules. Though a few were pointedly thrown their way, he was sure of it. Like not skating in the halls (with a pointed glance in Akira’s direction), or disrespecting the common area space (and one in Ryuji’s direction). The no-pets policy that existed for on-campus housing, but not in all off-campus housing complexes. And lastly, the emergency protocols for events like fires, and all stairwells and exits out of the building. 

At the end, Akechi then asked, “Any questions?”

Which was a mistake. Several people started talking at once, vying for his attention. Niijima rolled her eyes at Akechi’s bashful reaction and disarming smile. “Any questions pertaining to the dormitory rules?”

“Akechi and I will be available in our rooms during the day at set hours that we scheduled around our classes. We also will be alternating who is on duty during weekends. We will post our RA schedules outside our doors by the end of the week. Please do not hesitate to stop by should you need any assistance,” Niijima stated, and dismissed the floor. 

Akechi’s maroon eyes locked onto Akira’s the moment the crowd burst into action and resumed conversation. Akira swallowed thickly.

“I’m _starving_ ,” Ann whined, stretching from her seat on the couch. “Anyone up for a food run?”

“You don’t gotta ask me twice, I’m always down for food,” Ryuji enthusiastically replied, “Oh-- let’s go to that ramen bar just off campus. Man, the things I would do for a beef bowl right now.”

“Ramen? Really?? You had that yesterday for lunch.”

Their bickering continued and eventually faded into the rest of the background noise as he held his RA’s analytical gaze. A sculpted brow raised a silent challenge. A taunt. As if to say, _your move._

“How does that sound, Akira?”

His friends looked at him expectantly. 

“Uhm.” 

He was brought back to the present conversation when Ryuji nudged him, consequently losing the impromtu staring contest he had been holding with the former Detective Prince.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he said, having no clue what he just agreed to. “Give me fifteen? I wanna grab fresh clothes.” He gestured to his blood stained shorts and sock. 

“Oh yeah sure dude, we’ll meet ya in the lobby downstairs.”

A flock of girls carelessly swarmed past Akira as he stood up, moving to the front of the room and blocking Akechi from Akira’s view. While the detective was otherwise preoccupied, Akira snagged his board and made his escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my NaNoWrMo project! the idea came from wanting to see the thieves messaging about getting into stupid drunk college antics and trying not to get caught by Akechi, and reading a whole bunch of "texts from last night" and thinking "huh some of these would make pretty great prompts" 
> 
> I already have roughly 20k written, so I figured I could start posting now haha i'm hoping to update every two weeks, and shift to once a week once it's completely written. each chapter will have tags for any sexual content that pops up (haven't decided how explicit it's going to be yet, so the rating may change!) 
> 
> I just finished royal recently and i am cry
> 
> You can find me on twitter @ [salexectria](https://twitter.com/salexectria)


	2. we don’t know what to do with the stray cat we found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It seems fate did favor us afterall, looks like you’ll get your chance to return it.”
> 
> Akechi held out his hand expectantly.
> 
> “I might hold onto it a bit longer, actually,” Akira said just to be cheeky. 
> 
> “Oh?”
> 
> “What other excuse would I have to talk to you then?” Akira paused for dramatic effect before adding on, “I guess I could always cause problems on purpose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: (403): were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 28TH 2:06 AM

**[Joker]** hi 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** look who it is at 2 am. 1 of the 3 certainties in life 

**[Joker]** story time

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** regale me with your drunken tales

 **[Joker]** i lost Ryuji

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** …h o w 

**[Joker]** i swtg he was behiind me the whole time at at the party

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** …ლ(ಠ_ಠ ლ)

 **[Joker]** we wjere supposed to meet up with Ann outside but when I turnedaround he was gone

 **[Joker]** literally can’t find him anywhere, he’s not anwsering his phone

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i can’t tell if ur drunk, or just typing too fast

 **[Joker]** a bit of both

 **[Joker]** but back to Ryuji

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** *sigh* lemme guess

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u want me to find him

 **[Joker]** kyes pls oh great alibaba

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** _ryuji.pin_

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** he’s at the ramen shop three streets over 

**[Joker]** …

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** …

 **[Joker]** …figures

 **[Joker]** but story’s not over y et

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**???

 **[Joker]** we dk what to do w/ the stray cat we found 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** the WHAT

 **[Joker]** while looking for Ryuji, we foubnd a cat trapped in a trash can

 **[Joker]** well more like a kitten

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** WHO PUTS A KITTEN IN A TRASH CAN

 **[Joker]** douche bros probably

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** gross

 **[Joker]** he’s so tiny he coudldn t get himself out of the can. we just heard these sad little yowls and next thing i know ive got a kitten tucked into my jacekt

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** pics or it didn’t happen

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** send me the forbidden cat pics akira (=^‥^=)

 **[Joker]** _bby_ktty.image_

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** HIM BABBY

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** U GOTTA KEEP HIM

 **[Joker]** pets arent allowed in the dorms :(

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** since when has a law stopped u before

 **[Joker]** true

 **[Joker]** …

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i sense a “but”

 **[Joker]** but apparently the detective prince is my RA

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** !!! which one

 **[Joker]** oh god theres more than one

 **[Joker]** Goro Akechi

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gORO AKECHI (O_O;)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** HE’S YOUR RA??? (& yes, there are 2. he’s the 2nd fyi) 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** solved 12 cases during his third year alone, two of which he closed WHILE taking his final exams

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** the guy the SIU is paying to go to school just so they can officially hire him and pay him more money

 **[Joker]** im aware futaba

 **[Joker]** im so fucked, there’s no way i’m not bringing this kitten back

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** agreed ur screwed, there’s no way he wont figure out ur hiding a cat

 **[Joker]** tell me something i dk

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** his blood type is AB and he’s 178 cm tall

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** TeenVauge reported pancakes to be his favorite food & that he’s a gemini

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** so ur compatible lol

 **[Joker]** thanks! it was a rhetorical question 

**[Joker]** also slightly creepy you were able to find his blood type

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** no info on the net is safe from me

 **[Joker]** duly noted

 **[Joker]** besides it doesn’t matter how compatible we are, i already ruined any chance i might have had

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** uve been at uni for 3 days and u somehow managed to get on the prince’s bad side?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** only u akira

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** explain

 **[Joker]** i might have gotten caught checking him out

 **[Joker]** and then crashed into a bench in broad daylight

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** oof

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u r an actual disaster, i can't believe ppl actually think u have ur shit together

 **[Joker]** then he gave me a handkerchief to stop my leg from bleeding but now looking back on it im starting to think it was a passive aggressive move to assert dominance

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** lmao he w h a t

 **[Joker]** you can read

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** sure can but this sounds like the opening to a gay historical romance shōjo manga i didnt order

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** if u start exchanging poetry IM DEMANDING A REFUND

  
  


AUG 28TH 2:44 AM

**[Joker]** update

 **[Joker]** i have reunited with Ryuji

 **[Joker]** he tried to drunkenly fight the kitten when it scratched him

 **[Joker]** kitten won

 **[Joker]** _ryuji_licking_his_wounds.image_

 **[Joker]** wish me luck, sneaking the kitten into the dorms now

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ur life is a joke but gl

 **[Joker]** *finger guns*

AUG 28TH 3:11 AM

 **[Joker]** And we’re in

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** how tf did you make in into the dorms

 **[Joker]** sheer luck & Ann’s bad acting. the security guard bought it though

 **[Joker]** _making_biscuits.mp4_

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**!!!! him so smol !!! 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** congrats ur a dad now 

**[Joker]** i know nothing of childcare

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u take care of ryuji

 **[Joker]** have you already forgotten that i lost Ryuji tn

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i didnt say u’d be good at it

 **[Joker]** wow

* * *

**Ann, Oracle, Ryuji**

AUG 28TH 9:03 AM

_Akira Kurusu added Ann Takamaki to the chat_

_Akira Kurusu added Oracle to the chat_

_Akira Kurusu added Ryuji Sakamoto to the chat_

_Akira Kurusu renamed the chat The Phantom Thieves of Cats_

**[Akira Kurusu]** figured this would be easier for all of us to discuss The Situation

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ur situation

 **[Ann Takamaki]** ooo lets make the group chat pic the kitten!!

_Ann Takamaki changed the chat photo_

**[Ryuji Sakamoto]** Oracle? who r u? 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** i am the “great alibaba”, bow before me mortals

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Oracle = Futaba, my gremlin genius hacktivist not-sister

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**...

 **[Akira Kurusu]** I sense malicious intent

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i will literally doxx ur a03 account

 **[Ann Takamaki]** oohhhh futaba! nice to finally meet u, akira talks about u a lot 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** !!!!!!! he !!!! what !!!!!

 **[Ryuji Sakamoto]** is Oracle a codename? can we get ‘em too?

 **[Ann Takamaki]** yes! i love that idea!!!

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Alright.

_Akira Kurusu changed his nickname to Joker_

**[Ryuji Sakamoto]** joker huh?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** he’s hilarious. /sarcasm/

 **[Joker]** I happen to be hilarious. It's not my fault people don't like dark humor

 **[Ryuji Sakamoto]** i wana be smth badass… like the reaper! from overswatch

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** denied edgelord

 **[Ryuji Sakamoto]** yo wtf u dk me??

 **[Ann Takamaki]** i do. denied edgelord

 **[Ryuji Sakamoto]** c’monnnn **@Joker** back me up

 **[Joker]** hb Skull?

 **[Ryuji Sakamoto]** now ur speakin my language!!  
  


_Ryuji Sakamoto changed his nickname to Skull_

**[Ann Takamaki]** i want to be something feminine & deceptively powerful... like a femme fatale in those classic animes!

_Ann Takamaki changed her nickname to Panther_

**[Skull]** how is a panther like a fem fatale?

 **[Panther]** i wouldn't expect you to understand ryuji

 **[Skull]** wuts that supposd to mean

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** anyway, back to the /actual/ cat, he needs a name right?

 **[Panther]** since he’s a little black kitten with white feet, how about socks?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** too unoriginal

 **[Panther]** mkayyy what about midnight?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** boooooring

 **[Skull]** what abt The Void

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** denied again edgelord

 **[Skull]** stop callin me that gremlin, its pissin me off

_✧ Oracle ✧ changed Skull to Edgelord_

**[Edgelord]** what the eff

 **[Edgelord]** i can’t change it back??

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** mwehehe

 **[Joker]** Don’t poke the beast Skull

 **[Edgelord]** srs i cant edit it, or anythin

 **[Edgelord]** how’d she do it?!?

 **[Joker]** what part of gremlin genius hacktivist not-sister did you not understand 

* * *

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 28TH 9:07 AM

**[Joker]** I love you futaba pls dont doxx me, the world is not ready for my secrets

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ur on thin fcking ice, but ur right. no one is ready to know how much grey pigeon slashfic you read

 **[Joker]** (♡)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (♡)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** but srsly tho the last one you sent me was p fcking good

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** tbh, the characterization was on point & the smut was... well… _depraved_

 **[Joker]** Compliments? From Futaba? In my chat thread?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** its more likely than u think lmao

 **[Joker]** Btw how is that one fic your writing coming along

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** just remember i have the power to ruin u if u mention it to anyone ♡ ～('▽^人) 

**[Joker]** Duly noted, it's our secret. your tentacle PWP is safe with your beta reader

* * *

  
  


**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

AUG 28TH 9:07 AM

**[Edgelord]** i thot that was a joke

 **[Panther] @Joker** do you have any ideas? You found him, you should get to pick!

 **[Joker]** I’ve sorta been calling him Morgana all morning, it just… feels right? somehow?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** hmm

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** morgana sounds like the name of a Familiar you’d get in an urban fantasy jrpg 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** i approve

 **[Edgelord]** awh i was hopin if not Void, then maybe… MonaMona?

 **[Joker]** MorgMorg

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** lmfao m o r g m o r g

 **[Skull]** or not. everyone keeps shuttin’ down my names

 **[Panther]** his name can be Morgana and his nickname can be Mona!

 **[Skull]** eh watever 

**[Skull]** its just a cat

 **[Joker]** You’re literally on the floor cooing at him rt now

 **[Skull]** shuddup man!!!

 **[Joker]** Okay last thing: plan of action

 **[Joker]** Morgana is gonna need stuff, like a proper litterbox, not an empty take out box we filled with litter we bought and hid in ryuji’s sweatshirt last night. So I need to figure out how the hell to smuggle that in the dorm

 **[Joker]** I definitely don’t have a bag big enough to hide it in, and I’d rather not use a suitcase

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** that’d be hella sus

 **[Joker]** Exactly. 

**[Panther]** leave the litterbox to me! i DEF have a few purses big enough to stash a litterbox :) and pick up a few toys for the lil guy too!!

 **[Joker]** Thanks. I’ll venmo you

 **[Panther]** no worries, we unanimously agreed to do this! also you got all the litter last night

 **[Edgelord]** wat abt food? we got a few cans too but im pretty sure ppl are gonna notice us carryin bags of cat food thru the halls

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** easy solution

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** online shopping. comes in a package, they’ll never know whats in it. 

**[Joker]** Brilliant Oracle, as always

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ik ur just trying to get back in my good graces after the gremlin comment. u can’t fool me 

**[Joker]** Is it working

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** buy me a month’s supply of instant yakisoba and ur life might be spared

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** but are we gonna discuss the major problem

 **[Edgelord]** wats that? I thot we covered it all

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** HOW are u gonna hide the fact ur illegally keeping a kitten in the dorm, when the /Detective Prince/ is ur RA…. 

**[Joker]** Carefully.

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (；⌣̀_⌣́)

 **[Joker]** I’ll be counting on all of you, we can keep this a secret. It’ll be fun!

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ‘it’ll be fun’, he says.

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ur doomed.

* * *

With a plan in place, Akira let his head fall back like a deadweight on his pillow. Of course, they were going to have to be absolutely meticulous in their habits while hiding the cat from both Niijima and Akechi. 

_Akechi._

Akira’s breath caught in his chest. At this point, he was painting a target on his forehead. Practically tempting fate to fuck him over. As if he needed another reason for the former detective to form a grudge against him (or investigate him for that matter. Once Akechi discovered his criminal record...it would be well and truly over for him). He rubbed his face, hoping to banish the lingering memory of Akechi’s glare from the backs of his eyelids. The intensity of Akechi’s eyes was doing funny things to stomach.

Keeping this kitten a total secret was top priority. Which he was low-key worried about with Ryuji. It was no secret his roommate had a loud mouth. It was hard enough for Ryuji not to announce when they were pre-gaming to half the dorm. So Ryuji keeping his mouth shut about the kitten they were housing was probably going to age Akira ten years. But looking at the kitten sprawled out on their dorm floor convinced him it would be worth the stress. 

Despite his declared indifference, Ryuji was still fooling around and making kissy noises at the kitten. And the kitten was being awfully tolerant of Ryuji’s antics. And as much as Akira wanted to drop down and join Ryuji, he knew he had shit to do. Starting with the blood stained handkerchief that belonged to one Goro Akechi.

A strategy would have to be developed on how they would dispose of the evidence (see: waste from the litter box and kitten food), but Akira had a long day of class ahead of him to figure it out.

Thursdays were his longest days, with three classes nearly back to back starting at noon. The final class of the evening being a three hour lecture--which was actually the class he was most excited about. His advisor (former high school counselor and primary reason he even wanted to venture into the field of psychology) taught the class. 

A small part of Akira was tempted to bring his newly acquired kitten to his lectures, he knew Maruki wouldn’t care, but the idea of keeping the cat trapped in his bag for the entirety of the day made him feel guilty. Maybe when the kitten got a little older…

After some minor griping, Ryuji promised to look after the kitten while Akira was out (Ryuji apparently only had one class on Thursdays, an 8:00 AM he went to for ten minutes and then bailed on after getting his syllabus, lucky bastard), and Akira excused himself to get ready.

* * *

At first, Akira wasn’t sure if he should hand wash the cloth, or just throw it in the washing machine on a gentle cycle. There were no tags, ergo no instructions. It looked delicate, possibly even handmade. 

_Better go with the safer option_ , he thought, not wanting to risk ruining it even further. A quick google search granted him the knowledge to let it soak in cold water with some detergent before scrubbing it for maximum stain removal. A few minutes later it was soil free. But he still had his own bloodied clothes to take care of that wouldn’t fit in a bathroom sink.

Which is how he wound up in the laundry room down the hall, shoving said clothes in an open machine with one hand and holding the lid in his other. He scanned the instructions realizing these models weren’t much different than the ones he was used to using back in Yongen-Jaya. He eyed the washing machine two over that was leaking suds and smirked. _Sucks to suck_ , as Futaba would say, and dumped in an appropriate amount of detergent.

“Ah, there you are.” Akira dropped the machine lid with a loud clang and a curse. "I had a hunch I might find you here. Glad I could catch you.”

Akira didn’t need to turn around to know whose voice that belonged to, but did anyway.

The detective prince was leaning against the door frame of the laundry room, arms casually crossed over a diamond patterned sweater vest and expectant gaze falling heavy on Akira.

“Surely you aren’t going to waste an entire cycle on what I lent you alone?”

 _Act Natural._ “Uh, no. Do handkerchiefs even go in the wash? I wouldn’t exactly know...”

The detective giggled behind a fist.

_Giggled._

Something about it prickled the back of Akira’s neck. 

“Oh, you don’t?” The detective teased.

“Do I really look like the type to carry them around?” Akira gestured to his ensemble of dark slim fit jeans tucked into a pair of brown boots and oversized white sweater. A sweater with an black and red eye in the center of it.

“Definitely not.” Akechi crossed an ankle over the other. “To answer your prior question, it would depend on the make. Whether it was commercially produced or handcrafted. Most can be tossed in with regular clothes with hot water. The one I offered you would benefit most being washed by hand. It’s meant more for decorative purposes than practical ones.”

“Good thing I hand washed it then, _senpai_.”

“Ah please, forgive my manners. Akechi Goro.” He extended his left hand, now gloveless Akira noted. “I should have properly introduced myself when we first met. I didn’t realize we would become acquainted more than passing fancy.”

“Kurusu Akira,” he returned the gesture. 

“Charmed.” A T.V. worthy smile graced the detective’s features. After seeing it through a screen on the news, Akira thought it would feel more genuine in person. It didn’t. “It seems fate did favor us afterall, looks like you’ll get your chance to return it.”

Akechi held out his hand expectantly.

“I might hold onto it a bit longer, actually,” Akira said just to be cheeky. 

“Oh?”

“What other excuse would I have to talk to you then?” Akira paused for dramatic effect before adding on, “I guess I could always cause problems on purpose.”  
  
“Would you now,” Akechi said quietly, retracting his hand with measured grace.

Something undeniably warm slithered down Akira’s spine and pooled in his gut.

That was. Hmm. _Fuck_.

“I should warn you to stay out of trouble, but,” Akechi tilted his head, hair falling to the side as he studied Akira, “but something tells me it would be futile.” 

“Yeah,” Akira said, unable to suppress the smirk forming. “It would. Trouble usually finds me.”

Akechi’s eyebrows rose. “I see. You don’t seem to be particularly bothered by that fact.”

Akira shrugged, ignoring the heat continuing to bloom in the lower half of his body under the detective’s gaze, and pressed start on his machine. “Trouble is fun to flirt with.”

That earned him a more genuine sounding laugh from the detective, which did not help the blooming sensation. At all.

“Well then, it has been… interesting… getting to know you Kurusu-kun. I suppose I’ll see you around when you decide to stop holding my possessions hostage.” Akechi stepped away from the door frame and turned. “I echo Niijima-sans sentiments. Should you need assistance or need to discuss something my dorm is at the end of this wing.”

“And if I want to talk and you’re not there?”

“There is always Niijima-san,” Akechi paused, glancing back at Akira, his red eyes glowing. “but I’m sure I’ll be able to _find you_.”

 _My hot ex-detective RA is flirting with me while I am blatantly breaking at least three dorm rules_ , Akira thought to himself as Akechi disappeared down the hall, his limbic system on fire, _This is fine._

* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

AUG 28TH 2:34 PM

**[Panther]** Litterbox acquired!

 **[Edgelord]** come over, im back from class ill let u in

 **[Edgelord]** : **@Joker** should i just dump the litter in it?

 **[Edgelord]** : KiiKii???

 **[Panther]** : he’s in class genius 

**[Edgelord]** oh shit srry dude thats rt

AUG 28TH 5:19 PM

**[Panther]** : how we feeling about going to the volleyball house tn?

 **[Edgelord]** : u know sum one???

 **[Panther]** : my roommate is on the team, she invited me and i asked if it’d be okay if i brought you two and she said it was fine!

 **[Edgelord]** for real?! hell yeah!!!

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u guys really have gone out every night this week huh

 **[Panther]** Its sylli week!

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** Translation required

 **[Joker]** Syllabus week. 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** Further translation required

 **[Edgelord]** first week is basically bullshit

 **[Edgelord]** all the profs do is introduce themselves and go over the same crap like attendance rules and projects n stuff then let u go early

 **[Edgelord]** there are parties p much every night cuz like no work is due

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** is this normal?

 **[Panther]** Noooo only during the first week of the sem. parties are usually only a weekend thing, or occasionally a weeknight

 **[Joker]** Also we’ve been taking turns on who is the Chosen One

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ? chosen one?

 **[Joker]** The One Who Must Not be Smashed to make sure the others don’t get in trouble

 **[Ann]** The Mom Friend

 **[Joker]** Ann was dedicated Mom last night

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** So whose turn is it tonight? 

**[Joker]** : i’ll take it tonight, I have an early shift at the cafe tmrw morning, and I’d rather not regret my life choices at the ass crack of dawn

 **[Edgelord]** sweet dude! srry abt work

 **[Joker]** it's really no big deal, i actually love bieng a barista haha

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** b i e n g

 **[Joker]** being* shut up futaba

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** use autocorrect like a normal human

 **[Joker]** i refues

* * *

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 28TH 5:20 PM

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** sojiro misses his favorite part-timer, u didnt hear it from me

 **[Joker]** !!! a;skdljaf 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** ik, i’ll covertly tell dad u miss him too

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** h/o aren’t u stil in class?

 **[Joker]** yee but it’s Maruki’s, I could get away with murder and he’d help me erase the evidence

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u two have such a weird relationship

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i feel like u could punch him in the face during an argument and he’d probably be like “eh I deserved that, want to grab lunch”

 **[Joker]** He’d probably say something like “Akira, I’m flattered you are projecting the role of Older Brother onto me, let me use this as a teaching moment about transference and countertransference”

 **[Joker]** and he wouldn’t exactly be wrong but I’d be mad he pointed it out first

 **[Joker]** wait

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** HA u literally just psychoanalyzed urself

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** Maruki would be proud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how obvious is it that Futaba is my favorite character lmao
> 
> major note: i got rid of individual message time stamps, i feel like it wasn't necessary and kind of distracting? I can always put them back in if people liked it though. I wish i could code the chats to appear as an actual chat thread and have regular text in the same workskin.
> 
> this update is a day early because it's a (honestly, shitty) holiday in my country tomorrow, but i get off work and i would like to take advantage of the time off to write. next update set for: December 10th!
> 
> find me on twitter @ [salexectria](https://twitter.com/salexectria) where i might drop snippets of an Explicit/Horror/Among Us AU i outlined and started writing in addition to this fic lmao (& retweet a fuckton of akeshu/shuake art for inspiration)


	3. she’s like the Mona Lisa when she’s intoxicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t mind.” Kurusu’s smirk hitched up on one side. “Though, I don’t get many preppy boys chasing after me the next morning. Usually it’s me doing the chasing.”
> 
> Goro scrunched his nose. “Preppy?”
> 
> Why he latched onto that word instead of the implication he was chasing after Kurusu, Goro didn’t have an answer. But his objection was out of his mouth before he could backtrack.
> 
> “Yeah, though maybe not right now.” Kurusu’s gaze roamed down and back up deliberately. “It’s not a bad look, detective.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> text from last night prompt: (204) She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 29TH 12:04 AM

**[Joker]** hi

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** -__- arent u supposed to be the Chosen One

**[Joker]** I am the Chosen One, and I would like to share with you the funniest thing that has happened tonight

**[Joker]** _Ryuji_in_the_bathtub.image_

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** *cackles maniacally*

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** oh that’s good **(≧▽≦)**

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** do i want to kno why the curtain is wrapped around his stomach like that

**[Joker]** He tripped and fell in, then grabbed it to try and get himself out and well

**[Joker]** A cheap shower curtain vs a 140 lb drunk Ryuji, you can see how well that went

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** the curtain didn’t stand a chance

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** F

**[Joker]** He was laughing so hard he almost puked

**[Joker]** and for hte record I did help him out of the mess he created, we even got the curtain back up. It’s mostly unripped. Mostly.

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** good job dad!kira

**[Joker]** dad!kira

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** yeah your dad persona

**[Joker]** delete this one from the inventory, I Don’t Like It.

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** too bad dad!kira its awakened, how fares ur other child

**[Joker]** _The_Anntourage.image_

**[Joker]** Surrounded by men and women fawning over her

**[Joker]** She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** … is the guy on the left

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** second from the edge

**[Joker]** Drooling? Unfortunately.

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** men *facepalm*

**[Joker]** *nods sagely* men

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** hold up

**[Joker]** ?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]**!!!!!!!!!!

**[Joker]** ??

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** no way no w ayomg onowaynowayomgomgfajlsdjfapwo;jfdjfadkjfa;dfjakd

**[Joker]** Uh

**[Joker]** has futaba.exe has stopped working?

**[Joker]** → check online for a solution

**[Joker]** → close the program

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** iamfreakingoutineedafavor

**[Joker]** Listening

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** pls walk up to the tall skinny guy with blue hair on Ann’s right

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** and say “Inari, graphic art is superior to all traditional art forms. Die mad about it”

**[Joker]** wait

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** ask now, clarification later

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** gogogogogo

**[Joker]** Isn't inari that fan artist you’ve been talking to for literally years online

**[Joker]** The one you can’t work up the nerve to meet in person…. Depsite living in the same city…

**[Joker]** *despite

**[Joker]** What's his username again **,** EmperorOfArt?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** that’s his “””official””” pretentious art account

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** his fan account where he posts all his “trashy” art that he’d rather die than admit to drawing is Goemon_draws

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** he’d probs have a stroke if u called him that out loud

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** actually 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** pls say that 2 him instead & record his reaction

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** if he has an aneurysm then it’ll confirm all my theories

**[Joker]** Is he the one who drew you that fanart of ur “ _Last Night, Last Chance_ ” featherman fic?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** …(//ω//)

**[Joker]** So that’s a yes

**[Joker]** Holy shit 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** WHAT

**[Joker]** Pretty sure this guy was at our floor meeting yesterday

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** !!!! he lives !!! in your dorm !!?

**[Joker]** Aha, no.

**[Joker]** He got up and announced he was in the wrong place and walked out 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** that...tracks. stupid inari

* * *

Drunk Ann was quite a sight to see. _Carmen_ , her alter ego they had all privately joked about, came out when she drank. Without the inhibitions, she was sassier, flirtier, and took absolutely no shit from anyone, but especially men.

Perched on the arm of a couch with one leg over the other, Ann had a drink in one hand and the end of a pigtail in the other. A crowd had formed a semi-circle around her attempting conversation, but she was barely paying them any attention. Her focus was primarily on the girl seated properly on the couch, _Suzui Shiho_ if Akira recalled correctly, who was looking up at Ann with a tiny smile on her lips. Ann giggled at whatever her dark haired roommate had said, looping strands of her blonde hair around her finger and tugging gently. Futaba’s online artist friend was listening to their conversation with rapt interest. 

Akira pushed his way through until he was in front of the man in question. _Goemon_draws_ was still enraptured by whatever nonsense Ann was talking about to Shiho, and didn’t register the fact Akira had appeared by his side. 

Akira cleared his throat. _Nothing._

Akira waved at him. _Again, nothing._

Finally, Akira tapped the man on the shoulder. _Still_ _nothing._

Akira sighed. Sometimes he was just _too_ good at blending in. Fine, time to change tactics.

While Shiho asked the online artist a question, Akira stepped closer to Ann and whispered something into her ear. Ann’s eyes widened and quickly fixed her attention on the blue haired man beside her. 

“Uh, graphic art is better than regular art?” she interrupted, voice pitching in confusion. Her eyes met Akira’s again for confirmation.

She got about a quarter of it.

The blue haired man gawked and spluttered. His demeanor shifting from enthralled to appalled in mere seconds at Ann’s proclamation, nose wrinkling like he smelled something rank. 

“How _dare_ you insinuate--”

Akira didn’t wait to hear how Ann had dared to insinuate anything before unlocking his phone and opening the camera app. He turned and took a knee, taking a selfie next to the artist in his agitated state. Said man continued on as if Akira didn’t just pose for a picture with him, completely undeterred.

"--acrylic paint far surpasses any digital--”

* * *

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 29TH 12:24 AM

**[Joker]** _Selfie_with_Goemon?.image_

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** !!!!!! IT’S HIM

**[Joker]** You sure?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** cross my heart, ive seen his self portraits i’d know that hair & nose anywhere

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** this is /insane/

* * *

The artist went on for another minute or so. Ann exchanged a slightly worried look with Akira, but immediately went back to nodding enthusiastically with feigned interest at his tirade, pigtails bouncing. The rest of her face was drawn into a comically serious expression that pinched her features. Akira had to suppress a snort. Ann’s acting didn’t improve with alcohol.

The blue haired man paused for a beat, his expression going distant for a moment before saying, “Though for me to write it off entirely would be extremely hypocritical, as I have dabbled in the medium for personal reasons. The appeal of graphic arts certainly has its allure, and quite frankly for very specific purposes--”

Akira decided it was time to cut the artist off. “Are you Goeman_draws?” 

The blue haired man sucked in a sharp breath and finally took notice of Akira standing beside him. His eyes bugged out.

Akira took that as a confirmation.

“I have a message for you from Oracle,” Akira cleared his throat, “‘ _hi stupid inari, graphic art is superior to all traditional art forms, die mad about it_ ’. Do you have anything you’d like to say back?”

The journey the artist’s face went on for thirty seconds was just as amazing as Futaba had predicted it would be, so much so that Akira had to actually fight to keep his face blank for possibly the first time in his life. Eventually, the artist said with narrowed eyes, “How do _you_ know Oracle?”

“Sh--” Akira stuttered, suddenly realizing he didn’t know how much personal information Futaba shared with the man before him. He knew they spoke frequently, and the artist apparently knew her private account handle so he must know more than most...but Akira knew Futaba loved her anonymity. “Oracle’s family.”

“Oh.” The artist seemed to have a revelation. “ _Oh_ ,” he said with sudden clarity, “you must be Joker!” He stood abruptly and bowed.

“Uh, yeah,” Akira responded, taken aback.

The artist rose to his full height, having quite a few centimeters on Akira, and smiled down at him. “She speaks highly of you.”

Akira tugged on a curl. “She… does?”

“You are her key item, are you not?”

A surge of admiration bloomed in his chest. Futaba hadn’t called him that in over a year, at least to his face. A cute nickname she casually called him when they’d venture out into the “real” world to strike quests from her promise list. Conquering bosses like making a transfer on the Ginza Line, going to the arcade in Akihabara, and eating in Chinatown. Akira accompanied her on her missions until she felt confident enough to tackle some of them on her own. Like attending public school, and meeting up with a girl from her class at the Diner in Shibuya to study for finals (her most recent achievement). Overtime, she had become her own source of strength, and didn’t need him to be her direct source of support anymore. But hearing that ridiculous moniker again, knowing she still called him that... well. 

Akira smiled. “Something like that.”

“Oookay,” Ann interjected, standing and wobbling slightly in her heels, “I’m lost here. Do we know this weirdo?” 

Akira nodded and offered his arm to steady Ann, which she immediately took. With the dexterity of a true thief, he discreetly maneuvered Ann’s half emptied drink from her hand without her noticing and discarded it on the end table. As he did so, he saw Shiho disappearing with a few girls he recognized as other members of the volleyball team that lived on their floor. 

“My name is Yusuke Kitagawa,” Yusuke Kitagawa said, unphased by the insult, and bowed once more. This time it was even deeper, and in Ann’s direction.“And I realize my behavior was most off-putting. I must apologize for following you here. I merel--”

“You did WHAT.” Ann’s face flushed bright red.

Akira was certain the entire party heard Ann’s shriek over the music.

“Let’s grab Ryuji and go discuss this outside,” Akira asserted more than asked, and nodded his head in the direction of the exit. “You have everything?” 

Her hair flounced as she nodded, hiking her mini backpack-purse strap up her arm with her now free hand. She still hadn’t noticed the missing drink. 

Ann’s heels were proving to be the wrong fashion choice, in Akira’s humble opinion, as she seemed to be even more unsteady than she was two minutes ago meandering through the heart of the party. He kept a sharp eye on Kitagawa as he held onto Ann, wondering if he was going to have to physically grab the artist too. Kitagawa was at the mercy of the crowd, getting bumped and shoved by dancing bodies. It was practically inevitable, given the sheer number of people packed in the cramped space. 

“I think he’s playing pong!” Ann yelled directly into Akira’s ear and tripped, sending them both careening sharply to the right.

_Dadsona, lend me your strength,_ he pleaded to himself, sending an apologetic smile to the guy they had collided with. He pulled Ann away before she could tell him off, as if it was the man’s fault for their misstep. 

Readjusting his grip on Ann, he spun to grab Yusuke by the wrist. He wasn’t taking any chances. If this guy could get lost and end up in the entirely wrong building _sober_ , Akira didn’t want to think about what the artist was capable of getting himself into while under the influence. He guided them both in the direction of the tables that had been set up for pong he saw on their way in earlier. He could just make out Ryuji pumping his fists, apparently having scored, between the sea of faces surrounding him.

“Ayyy!” Ryuji’s already alcohol flushed face lit up like a firework when he noticed them stumbling up to the table. “KiiKii, celeb shot!”

“Wait--no, Ryuji we--” 

Akira suddenly was gripped by the shoulders and yanked forward, breaking his hold on Ann and Yusuke. He barely had time to get his footing before he was shoved in front of the pong table. A pingpong ball was pressed into his palm the same moment Ryuji clapped him on the back.

“C’mon on man, my partner ran to the bathroom, and we’re so close to winning!”

Akira eyed the two cups left across the table. “Fine, but after this game we’re leaving.”

“Awh man, for real?! I was just warmin’ up,'' Ryuji whined, massaging his right shoulder as he rolled it.

“Yes, for real.”

Akira dropped the ball in one of the four remaining cups in front of him, spinning it in liquid he hoped was water before plucking it back out. He took a step back, ignoring how he practically had to peel his boot off the sticky floor in order to do so, and lined up his shot. A deep breath steadied his hand and the bassline of whatever pop remix was droning on in the background faded away, allowing him to focus on the leftmost cup opposite him.

Ryuji let out a louder than usual whoop when Akira sank his target. Akira winced as the aftershocks of Ryuji’s cheer echoed in his previously unaffected ear. Now both were ringing. 

Ryuji slung his arm roughly around Akira’s neck, pulling him back to the present.“Hell yeah, roll ‘em back Takeshi!”

“He can’t shoot twice, Sakamoto, you called celeb shot,” Takeshi grumbled, but rolled the two ping pong balls back across the table. Takeshi’s partner pulled the cup Akira had won off to the side.

“Mishima’ll be here any sec...” Ryuji craned his neck, leaning heavenly into Akira as he looked around the room. His arm shot up and beckoned someone with an animated gesture. 

“Sorry, got stuck in a closet. I thought it was the bathroom at first,” a guy-- _Mishima_ Akira assumed--rushed to explain after he appeared a few seconds later, “but then some couple opened the door to uhm, I think makeout in it? But anyways, I got out and found the actual bathroom!” Mishima ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in three different directions. “Someone absolutely destroyed the shower curtain--i-it wasn’t me though!” He was quick to throw his hands up defensively and let out a sheepish laugh when Takeshi accused him.

Ryuji shot Akira a pointed look and had to clamp a hand over his mouth to muffle a bark of laughter.

“Alright Mishima,” Ryuji said once he swallowed down his mirth, “We got this! You first.”

Officially dismissed, Akira slipped back to Ann and Yusuke who were whispering-arguing and leaning on one another. Yusuke was animated explaining something with his hands, while Ann tried to follow the gestures, not quite managing to mask her skepticism.

_Well, as long as they’re standing upright and Ann hasn’t made Kitagawa cry_ , Akira thought to himself, and turned to watch the rest of the game. 

It ended as Akira expected. Mishima overshot, causing Takeshi to scramble to catch the ball before it disappeared into a throng of people behind them. Mishima’s shoulders slumped dejectedly until Ryuji fist bumped him and said something that must have been encouraging. Or at least Akira inferred it was, he couldn’t hear it over the music and the ongoing ringing in his ears. Whatever Ryuji had said, it made Mishima crack a small smile. Getting into position, Ryuji shot Takeshi with a cocky, crooked smile before tossing the ball in a perfect arc from behind his back, sinking the last cup.

Mishima cheered at the exact same moment Ann-- _Carmen_ \-- screeched.

“ _WHAT THE HELL_ _YOU WANT TO PAINT ME NUDE_?!”

Akira sighed, again.

Not waiting around for Takeshi and his partner to take their redemption shots he motioned for Ryuji to head towards the exit. Then Akira clamped down on Ann and Yusuke’s wrists in an iron grip and forcibly removed them from the party.

If being a dad meant having kids destroy your eardrums on a regular basis, Akira might just be content to be single and childless forever.

  
  


* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

AUG 29TH 2:04 AM

_Joker changed Edgelord to Skull_

  
  


**[Skull]** thx joker

_Joker added Yusuke Kitagawa to the chat_

**[Panther]** okay Kitagawa we gotta establish 2 things

**[Panther]** 1, while i’m flattered and totally get where you're coming from after talking about it, i will only model for you WITH CLOTHES ON.

**[Yusuke Kitagawa]** _is typing…_

**[Panther]** 2, you need a codename

**[Yusuke Kitagawa]** _is typing…_

**[Skull]** damn he’s still goin

* * *

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 29TH 2:05 AM

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** AKIRA. INARI ?? IN THE GROUP CHAT ??

**[✧ Oracle ✧]**

**[Joker]** I find his eccentricity charming

**[Joker]** But in all seriousness, once we cleared up a few miscommunications over convenience store sushi, we all realized he’s actually kinda cool, in an ‘out there’ kinda way and we sort of… adopted him?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** lmao u can just say he’s fcking weird

**[Joker]** I know lol but so are we

**[Joker]** Are you cool with him being added?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** lol if i didn’t want u to guys 2 meet him i wouldn’t have pointed him out, tho he kinda already inserted himself into ur group b4 that

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** this is so weird, my 2 worlds are colliding but in a good way?

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** i can picture all of u like huddled in a circle on the floor of the store like some kind of cult, rice everywhere, chanting

**[Joker]** Actually we got kicked out of the store for “loitering” but mostly it was Ryuji being too loud and too drunk so we moved to the quad on campus.

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** so u sat huddled in a circle in the grass like some kind of cult

**[Joker]** Worshipping the gods of rice, fish, and soy sauce

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** chanting?

**[Joker]** No chanting.

**[Joker]** It’s hard work, keeping my children fed and in line is no easy task

**[Joker]** You wouldn’t think I would have to tell a bunch of eighteen year olds that wasabi is not finger paint but alas, I had to revoke the spicy privileges and hide it

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** u ate it, didn’t u

**[Joker]** My insides might be melting but it’s okay, the leblanc special prepared me for this

**[Joker]** But overall it was a really nice night

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** and u didn’t lose a single person

**[Joker]** True. I gained a new one 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** ur dadsona is getting busy

**[Joker]** Never. Ever. Say that again.

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** mwehehe

* * *

  
  


**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

AUG 29TH 2:06 AM

_Oracle changed Yusuke Kitagawa’s nickname to Inari_

**[Inari]** _is typing…_

AUG 29TH 2:10 AM

**[Inari]** I am in your debt, Ann. And I would like to be Fox.

**[Skull]** THATS IT THATS ALL U TYPED

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** o m g *hits head against desk* y am i friends w/u again

**[Inari]** _is typing…_

**[Skull]** here we go

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** DO NOT ANSWER THAT IN THIS CHAT INARI I SWTG DM ME

* * *

**✧ Oracle ✧**

AUG 29TH 2:30 AM

**[Joker]** One day you should visit and be a part of our adventures. If you had visited this weekend, you would have been able to meet Yusuke in person!

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** u need to unlock level 7 of friendship before attempting this task

**[Joker]** Futaba

**[Joker]** I lived with you for two years

**[Joker]** we’ve shared countless onigiri, plates of curry, even my most coveted matcha pocky together

**[Joker]** what more do you need from me to max out your confidant arc so that you’ll come out with us

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** hmm

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** kindness level 4

**[Joker]** I will have you know I maxed out that skill in hs thank you very much

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** that was then, this is college. theres no new game+ irl bruh

**[Joker]** -___-

* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

AUG 29TH 2:39 AM

_Joker changed Inari to Fox_

**[Joker]** Get **@✧ Oracle ✧** to Meet **@Fox** IRL - Mission Start

* * *

Mornings were never easy for Akira. 

Truly it was a crime against humanity to have to wake before six AM. If it wasn’t for Futaba constantly hacking his phone and remotely changing the alarm sound to utterly obnoxious songs so he wouldn’t become desensitized to it (and to annoy the shit out of him), Akira probably would have slept through half of his high school career. 

He was lucky she had decided to keep it up while he was in college.

Akira jolted awake to shrill warble of “ _Shinrya! Shinrya_!” blaring at full volume from the windowsill. Morgana launched himself like a bat out of hell off Akira’s chest, adding his own little shriek to the chorus of the alarm sound.

“God dammit man, turn that shit off!”

Akira’s face took a direct hit as he sat up from a pillow Ryuji lobbed at him. 

Akira silenced the vile screeching, nearly falling out of his bed in the process. He couldn’t exactly complain, since it had worked like a charm. He was now wide awake with a heart rate of 140 bpm and ready to fight God. 

Well almost, he had the communal shower to tackle first. With a bit of grumbling about how he was up before the sun and how intrinsically wrong that felt, he got ready for the day. And he grumbled a bit more as he finished brushing his teeth thinking about how Futaba was probably pissing herself imagining not only his reaction to her song of choice, but Ryuji’s too. He gave himself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror to stave off his grumpiness, consoling himself with the fact a fresh cup of steaming hot coffee would be at his fingertips in less than twenty minutes, and attempted to dry his hair with some semblance of effort. 

It didn’t really matter how much work Akira put into maintaining his hair, it fell into casual disarray regardless. Like it had a mind of its own. Loosely curling at the ends, with a few fly away tendrils ultimately flaring out wherever they wanted. 

Ann had described it once as a really sexy bed head. A rugged “trying without trying” kind of look. He had just nodded along and toyed with a curl that had fallen in front of his face as she continued to tell him people professionally styled models' hair for hours to pull off the same look Akira achieved in ten minutes from a shower and a towel. Though his whole look she said could be improved with the use of some product he couldn’t name if his life depended on it to tame some of the frizz that inevitably popped up by the end of the day.

Akira had entertained the thought for about a minute for Ann’s sake, but ultimately decided he wasn’t willing to sacrifice even five more minutes of his precious sleep in the mornings for something so trivial.

Back in his room, he tugged up a pair of black jeans with one hand and he ran his other through the thick mop on his head and hoped Ann was right. It was still damp. Oh well. It was just going to wind blown skating across campus, and inevitably stuffed under a beanie while at work. He threw on a clean v-neck and cardigan, looped a scarf around his neck, and slid his glasses up his nose. In stocking feet, he danced around the room looking for where he threw his other boot last night, and found it somehow under Ryuji’s desk. Hm.

Hopping on one foot, he slipped his other boot on and rolled the ends of his jeans twice. He checked his pockets. Phone. Room Key. Wallet, check. Then shoved a dark gray beanie in his back pocket and grabbed his longboard on the way out.

He shot Ryuji one last look and saw Morgana had curled up at the foot of his bed, a stark contrast against the bright yellow comforter. He really hoped Ryuji wouldn’t kick the kitten in his sleep.

  
  


* * *

Mornings were easy for The Detective Prince, or so he claimed for the camera. 

When he had been in high school, The young detective had routines he religiously followed to maximize every moment of his time. He would describe them briefly during interviews when the hosts asked their pre-scripted questions, making him seem put together and more mature than he really was. Relatable even, when he’d make a joke about sleeping through one of his alarms and rush around just like everyone else or risk being late. 

Mornings were terrible for Goro Akechi, man beneath the mask. 

During that period of his life, to Goro mornings were just another reminder of how another day was planned down to every last detail by someone else that was not him. A reminder of how out of his control every aspect of his life, his image, his future was. It was enough to drive anyone mad after a week. And he had done it for years.

In college, Goro had a little more control over his day to day life, but not really in the grand scheme of things. The decision had been made for him of which university he would attend, that he would be double majoring, and in two fields he had no say in. Much to his ire. 

Even his position as an RA had also been negotiated and given to him without his knowledge. _Shido_ ensured there would be no taking a break from the fallacy that was the Prince, even for a second. Goro had proven too useful as his father’s little saboteur within the ranks of the police as a young teen, and now intended to exploit his reputation to the fullest when he became an adult. (Not that Goro intended to let that come to fruition)

He had to fight for every scrap of freedom he could get. He pushed back a little by deciding to pick up a minor in an area of his choice completely unrelated to his work for Shido. While he did it simply to spite the SIU director and his father to waste their money on more classes, they somehow found a way to twist it in their favor. ( _“Look how committed to his studies he is with that course load! What a bright young man, the future of Japan is in good hands with the likes of young people like him!”_ ). 

It made him sick.

Now, Goro would describe waking up early and having a routine as convenient, not easy. A habit that had bled over from his high school years. The only perk of waking so early, was that it allowed him time for one of the two healthy coping mechanisms he had at his disposal.

So waking up at 4:45 AM, while not ideal, was a small price to pay to have some part of his day belong utterly to himself, as himself. Whoever the fuck that was. Goro could internally bitch about his shitty puppetry of a life and his shitty father the entire time once he was up, in his gym clothes, and on his bike. Sometimes, he could even forget why he was so aggravated all the time in the first place. 

Todai was quiet in the mornings. Barely anyone was roaming the campus at this hour. No cars in the streets. It was as if Goro had the entire place as his own private cycling path. He could cycle as fast, or as recklessly as he wanted, without having to give a fuck about anyone or anything else. It was a taste of true freedom, if only for an hour. 

Coming to stop in the quad, Goro caught his breath and checked his watch for this morning’s exercise stats. Time spent in his target heart rate was met. Calorie goal achieved. Sixteen kilometers in 48 minutes. 

He huffed. Not his best attempt, but not his worst either. 

He had about ten minutes before he had to head back to the dorm to be on time for his Schedule™. Enough time to grab a coffee to power through the crash he was sure to feel post-shower, having barely slept pouring over work for Shido the night before.

At a somewhat leisurely pace, he biked to the local cafe on campus. It was owned by Okumura Foods, their newest business venture. As if there wasn’t a market the Okumura Empire couldn’t conquer. 

Thank whatever God existed that Okumura’s daughter at least had half a brain and wasn’t a complete imbecile, who managed to convince her father not to name the chain _Big Bang Beans_ because there was positively no way Goro would _ever_ be able to say it on T.V. with a straight face. Without a doubt he would have broken character, bursting into his actual manic cackle excuse of a laugh, and not the prim and sweet laughter of the Prince. 

_Big Bang Blends_ rolled off the tongue so much easier. 

And also wasn’t an veritable atrocity before the aforementioned God.

Any other time, Goro would have waited until he transformed into the Prince before venturing into public, not wanting to be caught dead in his current state lest it ruin the stupid manufactured image he had to maintain to stay relevant and under the radar. His current state being a disheveled hot mess (not in the good way) that hadn’t slept in thirty-six hours, in sweat stained gym clothes. But it was run by Okumura’s daughter, her first foray into business management while simultaneously getting a degree in said field. 

She didn’t need it, just like Goro didn’t really need to get his degrees, but they both had public personas to maintain. Society expected these fake people to over achieve, and so they did. She also appeared on T.V. from time to time, and was also present at all those ridiculous campaign fundraising events thinly disguised as galas he was forced to attend. And because of this, Okumura understood the whole “idols appear differently behind the scenes'' concept. 

They weren’t close (not even remotely close in Goro’s opinion), but they had grown up in the same shadowed criminal circles so he knew she wasn’t about to say shit to his face about his current composure, or lack thereof. Seeing as he had the absolute rare privilege of catching her drunk and throwing up into a plant at one of those galas. He politely looked the other way and had even distracted other guests to allow Okumura-san time to get her shit together and slip away. 

Or the time he walked in on her making out with a rival company CEO’s daughter in a storage closet while looking for a space to discreetly hook up with her at-the-time now-no-longer fiance. In Goro’s defense, he hadn’t bothered to learn the guy’s name so he had no idea he was connected to Okumura in any way when he decided to get with him. He obviously didn’t that night, as it caused quite the scene.

They both agreed to never mention the incident again. 

Which led to their unspoken understanding to politely ignore each other’s less than finer moments (In other words, they had enough dirt on each other to ruin the other’s image at this point, so they kept each other in check).

He abandoned his bike outside the cafe. No one else with their sanity intact was up at this hour so he had no worries about leaving it unattended. The cafe was, thankfully, not cartoonishly space themed. Perhaps because the younger Okumura-san was in charge of all the creative decisions. It had the look of a trendy cafe. A bit of an industrial aesthetic with white walls, save for one that was composed of open faced brick. The tables and counters were hard wood surfaces and metal supports, while the ceiling was interspersed with hanging lights. And plants. Lots and lots of plants. The wall behind the counter was a blackboard, with handwritten specials in a neat script.

In essence, it was every coffee snob’s dream come true. 

He pushed the door open with his hip, and pulled the strands of his sweat damp hair back up into a ponytail. Okumura’s floofy head was nowhere to be seen, but he knew she was here. She always opened. 

“Good Morning Okumura-san,” he announced as he walked up to the counter, tugging the hair band in place. 

The sound of muffled giggling came from somewhere behind the kitchen doors. “Be right out!”

A few moments later Haru Okumura exited, balancing a cake iced in light purple frosting and adorned with little edible flowers on a glassy black platter. 

“Oh, Akechi-san, how wonderful to see you!” 

The smile she greeted him with was cheerful, nearly too much so. It almost made him want to puke. But he returned it nonetheless with a tilt of his head. She slid the cake platter onto the counter and covered it with a glass dome lid.

“I haven’t seen you all summer,” she said, clapping her hands together once they were free. As if she were actually excited to see him. _Tch_. “I hope you enjoyed the break!”

“It was lovely, ” Goro lied through his teeth, matching her enthusiasm with an edge of plasticity. “I returned to the precinct to assist on some ca--”

His voice died promptly in his throat when another person walked out with an arm full of bags of coffee beans, causing him to double take.

Another person with an all too familiar face, who had a shock of messy black hair sticking out from under a beanie that matched the shade of his startling grey eyes. Eyes framed by a pair of thick framed glasses that were staring right back at him in equal surprise. 

Of course. Because of _fucking_ course it would be _him_.

“Oh, hey detective,” Akira _“I’ll cause problems on purpose”_ Kurusu said in a soft voice that completely contradicted the sharp smile breaking across his face. “You found me.”

Goro should have gone straight back to his dorm room.

“Oh, do you two know each other?” Okumura looked innocently between them, completely clueless to Goro’s unraveling mortification right in front of her.

“Mhm,” Kurusu said, averting his eyes and stocking the bags of espresso beans he had brought with him. “He’s my RA.”

Okumura’s mouth formed an “ _o_ ” and shot Kurusu a pointed look.

_Interesting._

Goro cleared his throat and pulled what was left of dignity together, grasping for the charming veneer he usually wore like a second skin. “I didn’t realize you hired another barista Okumura-san. Is he replacing Togo-san?”

“Correct. I’m training Akira-kun to open.” Her expression softened. “I was sad to lose Fumi-chan, but I’m really happy her skills as a shogi player are being recognized this much. I fully support her decision to pursue it professionally.”

Goro’s skin itched. Kurusu was staring at him again. 

“I had heard.” He glanced sideways and met the dark haired hipster’s eyes. ‘Hopefully the replacement lives up to her standards.”

The replacement had the gall to smirk at him.

“He’s quite good, I promise.” Okumura’s smile tightened as her eyes continued to dart between the two of them. “Your usual Akechi-san?”

“Yes, please.”

Okumura scribbled something on his cup and passed it to Kurusu. “Work your magic.”

He exchanged a few more pleasantries with Okumura as he paid for his drink, watching Kurusu out of the corner of his eye. The hipster tucked a marker back into his apron pocket and placed the to-go cup on the counter next to the pour over station. Going through the motions like they were second nature. 

Okumura parted ways with the promise she would save him a piece of the purple cake to try for later in the day. It was a twenty layer crepe cake, she had said. A rising trend that would be perfect for his next blog post. 

As if she truly read that garbage he posted online.

Once the heiress disappeared into the kitchen, Goro was left to awkwardly stand by the counter. There was no buffer now between him and his hipster resident preparing his coffee, which left Goro with no other option but to continue observing him. An aura of quiet intensity clung to him, followed him through his nimble movements around the various equipment. If Goro hadn’t seen him eat shit on the pavement while blatantly gawking at him a few days ago, he might have called him graceful. 

That whole ordeal was more embarrassing for the hipster than it was for Goro, but he couldn’t help but feel it fluttering in stomach all the same. It seemed he was destined to keep showing up in Goro’s life, whether he liked it or not. Not that Goro had any reason to complain up until this moment in time. Attractive (albeit stupid) men staring at him was always a nice ego boost, and _maybe_ he had leaned into their interaction with a heavy hand just to revel in it. 

He had fully believed he’d never see the hipster on the longboard again, but then the idiot just happened to sit directly in front of him during that floor meeting. And then be in the laundry room as Goro was passing by, all too tempting to tease. But now that the idiot had seen Goro in an equally (if not more) embarrassing state, and he had lost the upperhand in whatever this was going on between them. And Goro really, _really_ hated it. And was projecting all those feelings onto the man preparing his coffee.

Emotion regulation had never been his strong point.

The air was thick with some kind of tension, Goro didn’t have a name for it just yet (or perhaps didn’t _want_ to put a name to it yet) but it was just shy of suffocating.Their eyes met again when he started pouring the steaming water over the grounds, and Goro felt compelled to break the silence. 

“For the record, I genuinely did not mean to make it seem like I am tracking you down. I apologize, this was--”

“I don’t mind.” Kurusu’s smirk hitched up on one side. “Though, I don’t get many preppy boys chasing after me the next morning. Usually it’s me doing the chasing.”

Goro scrunched his nose. “ _Preppy_?”

Why he latched onto that word instead of the implication he was chasing after Kurusu, Goro didn’t have an answer. But his objection was out of his mouth before he could backtrack.

“Yeah, though maybe not right now.” Kurusu’s gaze roamed down and back up deliberately. “It’s not a bad look, detective.”

Goro’s face flushed.

“You really enjoy being an instigator, don’t you.”

Kurusu shrugged and topped off his pour, letting the last few drips empty into the carafe.

“So, did you hand make that handkerchief?” The hipster asked after a minute of tense silence again, transferring the coffee into the to-go cup. 

“What? No. Why do you ask?”

Kurusu shrugged again. Then deadpanned, “I was just curious how much I could sell it for on the black market if it was made by you.”

Goro’s jaw worked as he fought to keep his charming mask in place. The urge to punch Kurusu in his smug mouth was growing stronger by the minute. “ _Excuse me_?”

When Kurusu met his gaze again, he chuckled and had at least had the sense to look bashful and blushed. “That was a joke.”

“Well, it wasn’t very funny.”

“Tough crowd,” the hipster mumbled under his breath, grabbing something below behind the counter.

“How long _do_ you intend to hold onto it?”

Kurusu paused with his hand on the cap of the creamer. “In truth, I’m kind of waiting to see what you’ll try to do to get it back.” He looked back up at Goro and scrutinized him. Then slowly screwed the lid tighter on the cream and shoved it back under the counter. “Try it without anything first,” he said, pushing the cup towards him. I think you’ll like it.”

“To me, that sounds as if you’re begging to be chased after.” Goro picked up the lidless cup and took a sip. His eyes widened at the smooth, rich flavor that flooded his mouth. 

_Damn_.

“Maybe.” Kurusu’s face was still slightly pink, making his expectant gaze a little bit endearing. Only a little. Goro still very much wanted to punch him. “How’s it taste?”

It was easily leagues better than Okumura’s and Togo’s attempts. 

It actually might have been one of the best cups he ever had _._

The problem was, the Detective Prince liked his coffee with ample cream and sweetener. Goro Akechi preferred his coffee black. He choked down sugary drinks simply because that’s what the public expected him to like. Was he willing to ruin a perfect cup in an effort to keep up his already shattered image in front of Kurusu? 

No. No he wasn’t.

But that didn’t mean he was going to tell Kurusu jack shit.

Goro snatched a lid from the display on the counter and snapped it on. “It’s acceptable.”

Kurusu’s smug expression amplified tenfold,as if reading Goro’s thoughts. He shoved his hands into his cardigan’s pockets and leaned back against the opposite counter. 

“Enjoy, detective.”

Goro couldn’t leave fast enough.

* * *

It wasn’t until Goro stashed his bike and returned to his dorm that he noticed that Kurusu had written something on the sleeve of his cup.

“ _Catch me if you can_?” was scrawled alongside his chat ID and cell number.

_Well played, hipster trash._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delayed update! My in-laws got covid (totally their fault, they traveled on a plane during a spike, like idiots--they're fine now, it was a mild case). so my partner and I had to get tested too since we started to get sick after he came in contact with them (before we knew they were positive). We thankfully are negative, but being sick with a regular cold and anxious for the last week threw off my editing schedule. (also the game awards were a thing on thursday too) hopefully this longer update makes up for it!!
> 
> I also had a writer's crisis while editing, thinking "this is all garbage, everyone's ooc, throw out all of Goro's POV, and rewrite it from Akira's" but then worked through it salvaged over 1500 words. *lies down* it was a rough week.
> 
> next update December 24th, hopefully! if not maybe the 26th since it's a holiday. i'll post updates about the updates (lol) on twitter [salexectria](https://twitter.com/salexectria)


	4. can i ctrl alt delete this universe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I refuse to race in anything less than aesthetic perfection,” Yusuke said, flipping back and forth between a white set and a black set of tires with copper markings.
> 
> On his laptop screen, Akira watched Futaba spin around in her gaming chair, smacking her controller against her forehead.
> 
> Ryuji let out an exaggerated sigh. “You’re killin’ me, man. The girls are gonna get here before we even complete one circuit.”
> 
> Morgana mewled. 
> 
> “See, even Monamona agrees with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> text from last night prompt: (530): can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe

Halfway through his shift, Akira started to wonder if he had made a mistake. 

Akechi still hadn’t messaged him. Not that he expected Akechi to text him the second he got back to his room or anything…but by noon doubt had started to churn in Akira’s gut. 

Had Akechi not seen his note?

Or worse...he saw it and purposely threw it out?

Could Akira’s decision to write on his cup have been too forward? 

_Of course it was_ . What had he been thinking? Coming on that strong _to his RA_ of all people was kind of dumb, even if he had just been an innocent college student. Hitting on your RA while actively trying to fly under the radar because you’re up to shady shit behind their back? Idiotic. Akechi probably had some moral code of not hooking up with his residents, it would fit the whole “princely” image he was putting on. 

There also was the chance Akechi wasn’t into men (wouldn’t that be the cherry on top of this whole mess). But Akira was 99% certain he was. He had nothing to back up that claim other than a gut feeling--and his intuition in general was pretty spot on. Despite this, the tiniest voice of doubt was whispering that maybe Akira was just projecting in this situation.

The more time passed without hearing from Akechi, the more insistently that little voice in his head whined. He was grateful to have wound up with no classes on Friday--by sheer luck since freshmen were assigned their first semester classes. Akira wasn’t sure he’d be totally able to focus on absorbing any lecture materials if he had been. 

Making coffee was as natural as breathing to Akira, so he didn’t really have to think which was turning out to be both a blessing and curse. He didn’t have to worry about messing anything up, but that left his mind free to sabotage itself however it saw fit. 

By the end of his shift, he felt antsy. He didn’t know what it was about Akechi that was throwing him so off kilter. Akira was sure if had been anyone else he was interested in, he would have felt more confident in their encounters. But maybe that was the appeal. He was clearly out of his depth and Akechi presented a challenge of sorts. 

_Oh that was totally it._

Returning to the dorm (and possibly running into the detective prince) sounded like a Terrible Idea, so he decided to kill time on his board around campus. He kind of wished he’d grabbed a skateboard instead of a longboard. Trying out a few of the tricks Ryuji had shown him would definitely have put him in a better mood, but he’d have to settle for speed at the moment. He wondered idly if Ryuji would be up for a few races…

* * *

Racing across campus with Ryuji turned out to be the perfect distraction. Akira still hadn’t told any of his friends what was going on between him and Akechi (which was nothing, judging by the lack of messages on his phone). 

Instead, Akira listened to Ryuji rant about some professor who already managed to piss off his roommate, and about the girl with teal hair who sat in front of him in one of his classes who he thought was cute. They met up with Yusuke for dinner, which Akira suspected was going to be his first meal of the day. Over yakitori from a food truck, they sat on a bench and discussed their plans for the evening. Yusuke volunteered to be the Chosen, and even said had a place he wanted to take them all. 

Akira fiddled with his empty skewer. “Are you sure you want to volunteer as tribute? I mean, I’ll take it if you want to drink with your art friends. I work at the cafe again tomorrow, so I don’t mind being Chosen twice.”

“No.” Yusuke shook his head adamantly as he bit into the chicken on his stick. He covered his mouth with his free hand as he chewed, then swallowed before saying, “I have yet to take up the mantle being the newest addition to your crew, and I would be honored to do so tonight.”

“Alfo, he uhssn hahf any fwenfs,” Ryuji said through a mouthful of meat.

“Rude,” Akira elbowed him. “We’re his friends.”

“Bwo, you ho wah I meah.”

“Please do not speak with your mouth full, it is most inelegant.”

Ryuji burped then stuck his tongue out. 

Yusuke made a disgusted noise in response. “Barbaric. And neither do you.”

Ryuji lunged for Yusuke’s last skewer but the artist had surprisingly fast reflexes (and less surprising, long arms), lifting it up and out of Ryuji’s reach. 

Akira collected their trash and excused himself from their spat to toss it, laughing to himself as he caught Yusuke stick his tongue out for a split second in retaliation. On their way back to Shujin, Ryuji and Yusuke bickered all the whole time but there wasn’t any true animosity behind any of the jabs they exchanged.

* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

AUG 30TH 7:02 PM

**[Panther]** Shiho & I will come over to **@Joker** / **@Skull** ’s room at 9!!!!

 **[Panther]** did we decide where were goingg????

 **[Skull]** yeah yusuke’s got the deets

 **[Fox]** My senpai is having a gathering at his apartment and is expecting us

 **[Fox]** I will be the responsible one tonight and ensure everyone is accounted for

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** suuuuure.

 **[✧ Oracle ✧] @Joker** ur actually gonna Sober Solo this, right

 **[Joker]** Nope

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (×_×)

 **[Fox]** I find your lack of faith disturbing

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (°ｏ°)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**!!!!!!! did u just !!! quote vader @ /me/ ?!?

 **[Fox]** _is typing…_

 **[Panther]** fox rant incoming 😅

 **[Fox]** I will have everyone know I keep my most cherished Escoda Grafilo Kolinsky Tajmyr Sable Brush Set accounted for and in Near Mint condition, and I would transfer that same respect, care, and consideration unto my friends. Please rest assured I will keep you as safe and well kept as my invaluable tools of creation

 **[Skull]** he for real just compared us to paint brushes huh

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** yup

 **[Joker]** Dibs on being the dagger brush in his set

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** don’t encourage him Joker

 **[Fox]** _is typing…_

 **[Fox]** You, **@Oracle** , are akin to my most treasured brush

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ALSDFJALFJASLK

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** SHUT UP INARI

* * *

They decided to teach Yusuke how to play Mario Kart on Ann’s Switch to kill time until the girls came over to pregame. In hindsight it was a recipe for disaster, and did nothing to ease the pettiness between Ryuji and Yusuke from their dinner squabble. Futaba video called in on Akira’s laptop, which they had set up next to the T.V. on the dresser between their beds, and joined their tournament from her own console. Almost immediately, she went into gremlin mode, throwing taunts and insults at the boys left and right before they as they were setting the game up. Though most were thrown at Ryuji, who was her real competition. Yusuke spent an agonizing amount of time selecting his character (eventually settling on Inkling) and customizing his car, testing the limits of Ryuji’s patience. 

“Jeez, just pick a set of tires already,” Ryuji moaned. He leaned back in his chair, tipping the front legs off the carpeted floor. “You’re not even payin’ attention to the stats anyway.”

“I refuse to race in anything less than aesthetic perfection,” Yusuke said, flipping back and forth between a white set and a black set with copper markings.

On his laptop screen, Akira watched Futaba spin around in her gaming chair, smacking her controller against her forehead.

Ryuji let out an exaggerated sigh. “You’re _killin’_ me, man. The girls are gonna get here before we even complete one circuit.”

Morgana mewled. 

“See, even Monamona agrees with me.”

Akira chuckled. “No he doesn’t. Morgana says you’re being unfair, Ryuji.”

Ryuji glared up at Akira, who had been standing between them with Morgana perched on his shoulder. “How am I the unfair one in this situation?!”

Akira crossed his arms. “You purposely chose 200cc and the circuit with Rainbow Road.”

“So?”

“You know he’s never played before. He’s not going to stand a chance.”

“He’s gonna place in last regardless,” Ryuji mumbled, “and at least he’ll like the way Rainbow Road looks. Prolly.”

“ _Prolly_ ,” Futaba mimicked through the screen.

Akira gave each one of them a flat stare while Morgana meowed pointedly in Ryuji’s direction. 

“Well I’m not changin’ it now, cuz he’ll jus have to repick his character and shit and I’m not going through this,” Ryuji gestured wildly at Yusuke, who had just moved on to selecting a glider, “a second time.” He huffed. “Just pick this one, it has all the colors.” Ryuji leaned over and messed with Yusuke’s controller, selecting the rainbow glider.

A cacophony of sounds erupted. Yusuke barely got out an affronted gasp before it was drowned out by Futaba’s cackling. Ryuji started speaking over both of them about the controls, which Yusuke was not paying attention to, too busy chiding Futaba for laughing at his despair over his ugly car. Then Ryuji started the circuit when Futaba silenced everyone with a loud screech.

“And don’t forget to drift,” Ryuji tacked on as the first track was being introduced, hunching over and settling his elbows on his knees. 

“He doesn’t know what drifting means,” Akira reminded Ryuji gently.

Ryuji’s face broke into a feral grin. 

“Too bad,” Ryuji and Futaba said in synchrony. 

Akira ended up backseat driving, reminding Yusuke which button was the gas, which stick turned his car, and pointed out which paths had the least amount of obstacles (not like this ended up being all that helpful, seeing as Yusuke hit even the stationary ones). He gave up on getting Yusuke to drift because he could barely turn his car without veering off the track, or use an item without bringing his car to complete stop because he couldn’t press three buttons at the same time. Instead, Akira focused on getting Yusuke to finish a race without accidentally going in reverse.

Yusuke placed last every single time, to no one’s surprise. 

He didn’t really seem to mind though. Getting more and more into it with each lap he completed with renewed vigor. Akira had to commend him on not rising to any of Futaba’s baiting comments (unlike Ryuji who fell for every single one, colorfully). But even Futaba cheered when he completed an entire loop without accidentally going in the wrong direction. 

And then Rainbow Road happened.

Yusuke kept slowing down to look around the track, his eyes growing wider with every turn. He didn’t even make it through one loop around the track before bringing his Inkling to a complete stop. He just sat there staring at the screen, with character idling near the finish line. 

“Excuse me,” Yusuke said, standing up and pushing his controller into Akira’s hands. 

“Cheater!” Ryuji shouted, from his position in second. Futaba was in first, obviously. “You can’t pass it off to Akira to get out of it!”

“ _As if Akira can even salvage his position at this point_.”

“Futaba’s right Ryuji, there is no way I can even remotely come back from this,” Akira laughed, taking over the vacated seat. Morgana leapt off his shoulder, probably to bother Yusuke---who had fished out his sketch book and situated himself on Ryuji’s bed. “She’s about to lap me.”

“That’s quitter talk, scrub.”

He ignored the baited jab and took off. 

Despite being woefully behind, Akira did end up making a comeback. He placed sixth for that track, thanks in part to items he scored being in last place. And a well timed and well shot green shell.

The circuit results displayed on the T.V., with Futaba securing First, Ryuji Second, and _Yusukira_ astonishingly not dead last. 

Ryuji called over his shoulder, “Yusuke, you actually didn’t come in last thanks to Akira.”

Yusuke didn’t respond, but Morgana did.

“Whatever, don’t defend him Mona.” 

“Best two out three?” Akira suggested, rolling his neck, “this round doesn’t count.”

“ _You’re on_!”

After an hour and half of competitive swearing, Futaba still emerged victorious every time. Akira edged out Ryuji for Second in the last circuit and was rubbing it in his roommate’s face (with support from Futaba) when a rapid succession of knocks at their door interrupted his gloating.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryuji said, shoving his controller into Akira’s arms with a smirk. “Winner in the room puts it away.” 

“We should play drunk driving next time,” Akira suggested as he reattached the controllers to the console. 

“Oh hell yes, you’ll be going down Kurusu,” Ryuji said, pointing at him as he went to let Ann and Shiho in.

“ _Lol, purposely making yourself worse? How is that fun?_ ”

“It’s more fun than you think,” Akira said, then shot a glance at his laptop. “Did you just say ‘lull’ out loud?”

Futaba hissed. “ _Shut. Up_.”

Ann entered first, parading into the room with her backpack-purse held up victoriously like a trophy. “Let’s gooo!”

“Yes, you scored us _Captain Kidd_!!”, Ryuji said, reading the label of the first bottle she pulled out and handed to him.

Ann tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Of course, it’s your fav so how could I not?”

It was always up to Akira or Ann to get their alcohol. Ann had connections through modelling that would happily buy her whatever she wanted, and Akira was the only one that had a fake I.D. 

Well. Aside from Futaba. Who probably had eight. 

They all pitched in to get drinks to mix it with, but it was usually up to Akira to physically get them. Akira unloaded his stash of Dr. Salt Neo and Ultimate Amazake he plucked from the vending machine in the lobby from the mini fridge onto his desk. Morgana immediately jumped up to investigate, winding around and sniffing each can individually.

“Grab a chaser,” Ryuji ordered, dividing out shots for everyone on his desk in shot glasses Akira may or may not have stolen from the parties they went to earlier that week. (Except for Yusuke, who simply plucked up a can of Neo).

“Futaba introduced me to this song on Monday and I haven’t been able to stop listening to it since,” Ann said, scrolling through her phone. A beat later, music with a heavy bassline and feminine voice started playing. In her other hand, Ann held up her shot in the direction of Akira’s laptop. “So, to Oracle!”

They all mimicked Ann and cheered. Futaba buried her face in her hands and mumbled something unintelligible. 

Knocking it back was easy, but not choking afterwards was pretty impossible. _Captain Kidd_ was decent for what they could get their hands on, but it still burned like hell on the way down. A chorus of cans being cracked rippled through the group as they rushed to wash out the rum.

Ann coughed a bit. “God, Akira why are you chasing with Amazake?!”

Akira shrugged, and took another sip. “I like it.” 

(Sojiro also swore it prevented hangovers, who was Akira to question his guardian’s infinite knowledge.)

Ryuji grimaced. “ _Dude_.”

They repeated the process two more times, with Futaba’s side commentary teasing whoever choked loudest. The only one who didn’t splutter at some point was Ryuji, who genuinely enjoyed the taste of _Kidd_. Akira made a mental note to stop Ryuji after the next shot, lest Yusuke would have his hands full trying to keep track of him all night. They didn’t need a repeat of Ryuji’s flight to the ramen shop. 

The girls had shown up already dressed but still had to do their makeup, but didn’t want to make the boys wait any longer and asked if it would be okay if they did it in Akira and Ryuji’s room, which was fine by Akira.

Akira settled in on his bed, content to watch his friends' antics unfold. He, like Yusuke on most days, liked to sit back and observe rather than insert himself into the middle of things. Content to watch and interject if he had something to say, rather than be the center of attention. 

Morgana was quick to snag the prime snuggle spot on his lap, forgoing Ann’s because she moved around too much. Absentmindedly, he stroked the kitten’s fur. Morgana turned only once to bite Akira on the meat of his thumb when he rubbed a little too hard on one spot. 

Their light hearted tipsy banter filled the room. Ryuji watched Ann closely as she drew a wing on her eyelid that was ‘ _sharp enough to gut a man_ ’, or so she claimed when Ryuji asked her what she was doing. Ann teased Ryuji by saying how eyeliner would ‘ _totally complete his delinquent look’_ he had going on, only to have him boisterously object and shove Ann’s grabby hands out of the way. Yusuke was all too happy to take his place, to which Ann’s face lit up and latched on to the opportunity. 

Akira rolled his lips between his teeth. They tingled. A tell tale sign that the effects of the alcohol were creeping into his system.

“Bro, do one with me?”

Ryuji’s question drew Akira out of his introspection.

“Alright, but this is our last one before we head out,” Akira said, depositing Morganna on the black comforter and sliding off his bed. He was going to have to do something about the amount of cat hair accumulating on it at some point, but that was a problem for Sober Akira to deal with tomorrow. 

_Add it to the compendium_ , Akira thought to himself when he accepted what Ryuji offered him. 

_Clink_. 

When he brought his glass to lips, his phone vibrated. He slipped it out of his pocket and choked on his shot when he saw who it was from. Akira’s stomach flipped.

A hand landed square between his shoulder blades as he cleared his throat. “KiiKii, you alright there?”

“Fine, I’m fine,” he said, rubbing his neck. “Went down the wrong way.” 

“Alright if you say so.” Ryji eyed him skeptically. “Imma grab you some water.”

“Thanks.”

Apparently the detective had kept his contact info.

Akira leaned against his bed and opened the thread to respond, ignoring the commotion in the room.

* * *

  
  


**Goro Akechi**

AUG 30TH 9:49 PM

_Goro Akechi added Akira Kurusu to the chat_

**[Goro Akechi]** If I had wanted your contact info, I would have asked for it.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** If you really didn’t want me to have yours, you wouldn’t have messaged me 

**[Goro Akechi]** You gaining my number is an unfortunate consequence of my reasoning for messaging you.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Uhm. okay?

 **[Goro Akechi]** Simply put, I weighed the options and found that you having a means of contacting me would be a calculated risk, one I deemed worth taking. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** So basically, you’re saying you want your handkerchief back so badly you're willing to risk me being able to send you unsolicited cat pics at 2 am

 **[Goro Akechi]** Basically, yes.

 **[Goro Akechi]** Please don’t.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Not a cat person, Akechi? (=^‥^=)

 **[Goro Akechi]** I prefer my furniture intact and clothes free of fur. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** decalwed hairless cats exist and are ready to be rescued

 **[Akira Kurusu]** declawed*

 **[Goro Akechi]** I have no intention of ever adopting a cat Kurusu.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** sidenote: i must advocate for not declawing your cat, its inhumane

 **[Goro Akechi]** As...entertaining... as I see this unfolding, it was not my intended course of conversation

 **[Goro Akechi]** Though while on the subject, I agree, it is unnecessarily cruel. 

**[Goro Akechi]** _is typing..._

 **[Goro Akechi]** Unless you had a cat that was already declawed (let’s say you rescued it that way) and a year later you adopt another cat that has all of its claws. Would bringing this clawed cat home be fair to your declawed cat? It has no means to defend itself when it inevitably gets into a fight with its new sibling. Are you going to just let the clawed cat have its way, possibly injuring your other cat? Is it then ethical to declaw your new cat to level the playing field, so to speak? Or will you let the other cat suffer?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** well

 **[Akira Kurusu]** if you rescued a cat that already was declawed, then ethically if you wanted another cat you should look for ones that were given up already declawed to prevent this situation entirely

 **[Akira Kurusu]** but if you already adopted it, then I guess the right thing to do is rehome the new cat to a responsble friend or person you trust to take care of it

 **[Goro Akechi]** Ah, so you abandon the cat. Passing it off to be someone else’s problem. What if they deem it to be too much hassle for what it is worth? What if they give it up and it winds up back at the shelter again?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** i am foruntate to have wonderful friends who wouldn’t do that, so it's a moot point

 **[Akira Kurusu] (** ^^^ responsible*) 

**[Akira Kurusu]** fortunate*

 **[Akira Kurusu]** also i wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place bc i am an ethical cat lover

 **[Goro Akechi]** Shocking. I couldn’t tell. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** am i detecting sarcasm ?? the detective prince has an actual sense of humor??

 **[Goro Akechi]** Your spelling is atrocious. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** wow rude and sarcastic?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** but nah i just dont use predictive text, and i type faster than i think

 **[Goro Akechi]** And why not?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** doesnt fit my brand

 **[Goro Akechi]** Your brand being…?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Unpredictable :)

 **[Goro Akechi]** …

 **[Goro Akechi]** I honestly don’t know why I expected a serious answer.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** I honestly fail to see how all this ^^^ could be deemed risky

 **[Akira Kurusu]** It’s nto like i’m gonna go around giiving your number around, I’m not cruel

 **[Akira Kurusu]** not*, giving* :P

 **[Goro Akechi]** I’m trusting that you won’t. I don’t know much about you Kurusu, aside from your self-proclaimed “brand”. Hence the risk. 

**[Goro Akechi]** Which brings us back to the matter at hand. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** do you make calculated risks with everyone you talk to, or just me?

 **[Goro Akechi]** Unfortunately, given the nature of my “idol” status coupled with the fact that I am your RA, it was necessary to consider it through this lens. I would do the same for any of my residents in the same situation. 

**[Goro Akechi]** Though I highly doubt any of my other residents would have put me in this situation to begin with. 

**[Goro Akechi]** Or started a debate on the ethics of cat ownership.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** hmm.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** What does analyzing every interaction with another human being to this extent say about you?

 **[Goro Akechi]** That I’m profiling you, perhaps.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** oh? 

**[Akira Kurusu]** and what have you compiled on me so far?

 **[Goro Akechi]** A detective never gives away the details of a case he’s working.

 **[Goro Akechi]** Especially to his target. ;)

  
  


* * *

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at his phone screen, but at some point he had wordlessly accepted a glass of water from Ryuji. When he took a sip, he suddenly forgot how to swallow.

“Bro, you sure you’re good?” 

Akira snapped his head up to Ryuji’s already flushed face. Akira nodded and drained the rest of the water, forcing it down past his heart which had relocated to his throat. He slid his phone into his back pocket, deciding to give himself a moment to recover and think of how to respond to Akechi. 

How could something come across so flirtatious and threatening at the same time? 

Maybe more concerning, _why was he into it?_

“Alright!” Ann stood from where she had been sitting at Akira’s desk and wrapped her arms around Shiho’s waist. “We’re ready, let’s _gooo_.”

Shiho rolled her eyes and packed three bottles of water into Ann’s backpack purse from the mini fridge and slipped it over her roommates shoulders, with a bit of maneuvering of Ann’s limbs. “Where is this place we’re going again?’

“My senpai lives in Ueno,” Yusuke said, inspecting his makeup in their wall mirror. “Well, his atelier is in Shibuya, but while in school he lives in this apartment.” Deeming it acceptable, Yusuke straightened and turned his attention to Ryuji and Akira (Ann had done a really nice job with his eyeliner, Akira noted). 

Yusuke’s eyes narrowed. “Is _that_ what you two are wearing?” 

Ryuji crossed his arms. “What’s wrong with our clothes?”

A lot, apparently, given Yusuke’s pursed lips and outright glare. Ryuji’s bright yellow tank top with an explosion of neon pink and green in the form reminiscent of a comic book speech bubble probably wasn’t something art majors would be caught dead wearing. In the bubble, it read “ _Eat My Dust_ ”. Red plaid print cut off shorts and purple vans completed his outfit. 

All in all, it was a typical Ryuji look.

“Ryuji always looks like he got dressed in the dark, he’s hopeless Yusuke. Ignore him,” Ann chirped.

“It’s punk,” Ryuji mumbled dejectedly, scuffing his heel on the floor. 

“I like it,” Akira said placatingly and Ryuji’s face regained its puppy-like enthusiasm which he beamed in Akira’s direction. 

“Akira on the other hand,” Ann continued, and Akira felt the weight of everyone’s stares turning on him. “You _always_ wear monochrome.”

Akira glanced down at his dark grey jeans, dark boots, and black button down short sleeve shirt. 

Hmm.

Ann may have had a point. 

“You need a pop of color,” Yusuke said, bringing his fingers up to his face to form a frame.

“Orrr,” Ann sang, “to show some skin!”

“I think you should take off your glasses,” Shiho chimed in, to Akira’s surprise. 

When Yusuke stepped forward the same moment Ann released Shiho, Akira knew he was doomed. He shot a panicked look towards Ryuji, who just backed away with his hands up sheepishly.

In the end, Akira conceded and surrendered the glasses. He fought against changing his shirt (it was comfy and he liked the way he looked in it) but sacrificed a few buttons, exposing a little bit more than just his collarbones.

“I wish you’d let me use some product in your hair,” Ann whined, while running her fingers through his curls. 

“Maybe next time,” Akira said, and Ann’s expression turned ecstatic. 

“Really?!”

“Okay, but seriously, we should head out now,” Shiho announced, dragging Ann away from Akira with an apologetic look thrown his way.

They said goodbye to Futaba and promised to keep her in the loop of the night's events while cleaning up the evidence of their illicit activities. Akira fed Morgana and passed the can to Ryuji to add to their trash bag, which he volunteered to take to the trash room on the way out. 

Once everyone was out, Akira locked the door and joined them in front of the elevators that would take them to the lobby. Akira slipped his phone out while on the elevator, feeling a little more liquid confidence take over his system, which he channeled to respond to Akechi. He still kept an eye on where Yusuke was leading them, not having quite as much confidence in his new friend yet to make sure they didn't get lost. 

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

AUG 30TH 10:018 PM

 **[Akira Kurusu]** target huh

 **[Goro Akechi]** I distinctly remember you requesting to be chased and caught. That would make you my target. 

**[Goro Akechi]** Unless I’m misreading your intentions?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** you’re not

 **[Akira Kurusu]** do your wrost

 **[Akira Kurusu]** worst*

 **[Goro Akechi]** I don’t back down from a challenge Kurusu. 

**[Goro Akechi]** This is your only warning.

 **[Akira Kurusu]** neither do i

 **[Akira Kurusu]** come and get me ;)

* * *

Akira got really fucking wasted after that.

* * *

  
  


**[✧ Oracle ✧]**

AUG 30TH 2:33 AM

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** urrrrgh akira

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** akira ik ur up & most likely intoxicated

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** which means i’ll actually get an opinion out of u instead of ~vague bullshit~ that makes me answer my own question

 **[Joker]** i have arrived

 **[Joker]** how can i be of assisstance

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** y r group projects a thing

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** its like they exist only to cause pain

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** some cruel punishment inflicted on us by Ushimaruto-sensei to torture us introverts into insanity

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** can I /ctrl alt delete/ this universe & program a new one that makes group work obsolete

 **[Joker]** yuou sound like Maruki when he’s drunk

 **[Joker]** but more tech-y and less emotionlally distraught

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** Translation

 **[Joker]** over the sumner when I was worlking pt at Crossroads he visited he got wasted and we argeued about trauma

 **[Joker]** specifically, lkike ways to treat it and he went on a tangent about how he wished he could taek away everyone’s pain forever

 **[Joker]** and I countered with ‘then how do we gro?w” hmow do we emotionally mature if we don’t know how to process things that happnen to us?”

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** god there are so many typos i want to drag u for but i’ll settle for a scrnshot to show the thieves

 **[Joker]** T_T

 **[Joker]** aaaanyways it got heated

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** did u punch him

 **[Joker]** no??? (what isw ith you and hte punching?)

 **[Joker]** we were in public and iddint want to makkea a scene

 **[Joker]** we agreed to disagree for teh time being and resume this conversatino without the influencoe of alcohol

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** compared 2 Maruki maybe u have some of ur shit together

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** that or ur luck stat is OP

 **[Joker]** idk about that, given what i did this morning

 **[Joker]** sober i wuol d like to add

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** … what did u do akira

 **[Joker]** i slipeped akechi my info on his drink this mornning when he stopped for cfofee

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u w H A T

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** R U INSANE i thot u were trying to not draw attention to urself

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** SIR HELLO

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** MORGANA ??

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u straight up handed him a way to hack & track u

 **[Joker]** i didn’t really think it thrrough 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** oh u were thinking alrite, just not with ur brain

 **[Joker]** well it wokred bc now were talkng so :P

 **[Joker]** anway wht was your qeustion

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** can u do my group project for me

 **[Joker]** no 

**[Joker]** u gotta grind on y our own to get tht exp

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (ಥ﹏ಥ) 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** i wont bail u out when the detective arrests ur ass

 **[Joker]** god i hope he does

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** A;SFJLDKJFA / A K I R A / (ᗒᗜᗕ)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** now ik ur for real drunk

 **[Joker]** mayb i’ll tellhi m

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** NO

 **[Joker]** we msg e ahcother now :)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** AKIRA NO

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ABORT MISSION

  
  


* * *

**Inari**

AUG 30TH 2:39 AM

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** INARI MISSION CRITICAL

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** PLS CONFISCATE AKIRA’S PHONE

 **[Inari]** One moment

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** see this is y i like u

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u don’t ask questions you just /do/ 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** ive trained u well my apprentice

 **[Inari]** He is displeased that I have “stripped him of dignity” and I am “depriving him of his human connections” and something about needing to “send a cat meme” ?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** DO NOT LET HIM HAVE HIS PHONE BACK

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** Don’t let his sad boy facade fool you, he is thirsting over a future MISTAKE

 **[Inari]** If he is thirsty, I shall get him some water.

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** *face palm* 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** actually u kno what, that’s a good idea

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** go do that

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> re: Ryuji speaking with his mouth full: did i shove three jumbo sized marshmellows in my mouth and read Ryuji's lines out loud to capture what it would sound like? 
> 
> answer: yes, yes I did. 
> 
> I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season <3 catcha in the new year with an update :)


	5. Bet you 500 yen you can’t guess where I woke up this morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira stood up and slipped in front of Akechi, demanding to be looked at. Giddy with his new discovery. “Oh? What’s this? He can dish it out but can’t take it?”
> 
> Akechi’s eyes flashed as he brought himself up to his full height, and stepped into Akira’s space. Scowling down the few centimeters he had on him, he forced Akira to take a step back. “You,” he said lowly, continuing to move forward, making Akira walk backwards until his back hit the counter, “are a brat.”
> 
> “Just figuring that out now, detective?” Akira smirked. “I thought that was obvious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> texts from last night prompt:
> 
> (585): bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning  
> (1-585):oh god.. jail?  
> (585): better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

**✧ Oracle ✧**

SEPT 1ST 4:57 AM

**[Joker]** Hi

 **[Joker]** Story time

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i see yusuke returned ur phone

 **[Joker]** Aha, yeah. After swearing on my life I would not make any more poor life choices

 **[Joker]** I assume that was your doing

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ur welcome 

**[Joker]** Hmm well I might not have sworn hard enough

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**???

 **[Joker]** bet you 500 yen you can’t guess where I woke up this morning (without hacking my location)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** oh god akira… jail?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** again??!

 **[Joker]** No

 **[Joker]** Better

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**!!?

 **[Joker]** On the catwalk of the auditorium

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** BRUH

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** didnt yusuke like walk u home???

 **[Joker]** He did

 **[Joker]** I just didn’t stay home after

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (-_-;)・・・

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** but don’t they lock up the buildings at night….

 **[Joker]**...

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** also i’m p sure catwalks are at least fifteen meters in the air??

 **[Joker]**...

 **[Joker]** I am surprisingly still very dexterous while intoxicated

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** o m g 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** what possessed u to sneak out of the dorm, pick a lock, scale scaffolding, and fall asleep on a metal beam is / literally / beyond me

 **[Joker]** Me too, It's all very...fuzzy after getting back to the dorms

 **[Joker]** Maybe I was a cat in a past life

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** cat!kira

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** congrats u now have a fursona to add to your growing list of ‘sonas

 **[Joker]** Cat!kira go prrr?

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** HAHAH a self-drag? 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** Someone truly is hungover and regretting his life choices

 **[Joker]** Jokes aside, all that flexibility training I did in hs apparently paid off

 **[Joker]** I have no new bruises or injuries that I am aware of so I made it up in one piece. Somehow.

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** wait hold up I thot all that “training” u’d say u were doing was just like horny akira code for “going to mess around with Sumi after school”

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** don’t tell me u actually were doing gymnastics with her that whole time

 **[Joker]** Okay

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]**????

 **[Joker]** You literally just told me not to tell you

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** but was i right?! i NEED to kno if i was right

 **[Joker]** Haha yes and no

 **[Joker]** We did both

 **[Joker]** _is typing..._

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** oKAY OKAY OKAY NO DETAILS (SAVE THOSE FOR ANN)

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** JUST CONFIRMATION THANK U next

 **[Joker]** You have written fanfic more explicit than anything I could ever tell you I’ve done, AND I PROOF READ IT FOR YOU

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ヽ(•//д//•)ノ [ok true]

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** but

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** ヽ(•̀//д//•́)ノ

 **[Joker]** Ik Ik, I’m teasing. I won’t corrupt your virginal ears

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** /anyway/ people r gonna be mad jealous when they find out u dated an olympic gymnast

 **[Joker]** She wasn’t one when we dated though so technically I didn’t

 **[Joker]** She found out she qualified shortly before we went back to being just friends

 **[Joker]** I think we’re both much happier this way

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** Obviously. you still talk to her??

 **[Joker]** Yeah

 **[Joker]** We caught up before the semester started

 **[Joker]** She said she was nervous, but that’s to be expected when you’re on the global stage. Aside from that she’s fitting in really well with her new teammates. She just wishes Kasumi could have been a part of it

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** </3

 **[Joker]** Yeah :( </3

 **[Joker]** But she’s good

 **[Joker]** Still calls me senpai though...which idk how to feel about that

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** lol its ~cute~

 **[Joker]** Hmm leaning towards don’t think so

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** “oh ~senpai~ you’ll still watch me compete in the olympics on TV right?”

 **[Joker]**...did you listen in on the call

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** no

 **[Joker]** “no,” she lied like a liar (I know you still have my phone bugged damn it)

* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

SEPT 1ST 5:01 AM

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** *kicks down the door to the thieves den*

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** INARI U FAILED

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** GUESS WHERE AKIRA IS

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** (hint: not where he’s supposed 2 be)

 **[Fox]** Preposterous! He was safely returned to his dorm room. I personally put him to bed.

 **[Panther]** you stayed over in their dorm room Fox… isn’t he in there w/you??

 **[Fox]** _is typing..._

 **[Fox]** Ah. It appears that I am in his bed and Akira is indeed missing. I was on the floor when we went to sleep. I have no recollection of this transfer.

 **[Fox]** I have awoken Ryuji but all he has done is throw his possessions at me in an attempt to silence my “pestering” so I do not think he will be of any help in this situation.

 **[Joker]** Don’t bother with him Fox. He isn’t responsive until at least 9am after a night out.

 **[Joker]** Also, why aren’t the rest of you sleeping?

 **[Panther]** Joker! you’re alive!!! are you okay??????? 

**[Joker]** Define okay

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** *cackles*

 **[Panther]** where are you?!?

 **[Joker]** You aren’t going to guess?

 **[Panther]** jail?

 **[Fox]** Please let it not be true your detective arrested you last night, and you are suffering in incarceration as we type.

 **[Joker]** Why is jail everyone’s first guess? I was only arrested once! 

**[Joker]** Fuck

 **[Joker]** Also, he is not “my” detective

 **[Fox]** _is typing…_

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u sure about that

 **[Joker]** Oh no

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** pls reread our messages from last night

 **[Joker]** Oh GOD

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** *cackles louder*

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** i can’t wait to hear what inari is about to dish out

 **[Panther]** wait what did akira say to you @ **✧ Oracle ✧**?!

 **[Joker]** Futaba please *softly* don’t

 **[Fox]** Last night I had to relieve you of your phone before you texted the detective prince incriminating evidence of your state of inebriation and infatuation. You were adamant that you had to send him a picture of a cat as a token of your feelings, which I objected as the image you selected was not flattering of the cat. I may have just met you a few days ago, so please tell me if I am overstepping my bounds, but I do not think sending hideous pictures of cats is a wise way of winning over this man’s affections. 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** pls show us the picture he wanted to send

**[Fox]**

**[Panther]** Hahahah oh akira

**[✧ Oracle ✧]**

**[Joker]** …

 **[Joker]** I’ll be staying at this undisclosed location until further notice

 **[Panther]** no Akira!!! seriously where are you??

 **[Joker]** _the_view_is_nice.image_

 **[Panther]** :O

 **[Panther]** how did you get up that high???

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** gymnastics training

 **[Panther]** huh? i didn’t know you were a gymnast Akira!!

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** im sure he’ll tell u all about it now

 **[Joker]** -____-

 **[Fox]** I cannot believe I failed my first mission as the Chosen One. 

**[✧ Oracle ✧]** i can

 **[Fox]** _is typing…_

 **[Panther]** @ **✧ Oracle ✧**!!!!!!

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** kek

 **[Fox]** I am an utter disgrace to this friendship. How can I even call this a friendship when I have done nothing but leech from the kindness you all have bestowed upon me. How will I ever be able to show my face among you, those whom I have failed. I must atone for the shame I have wrought.

 **[Joker]** You didn’t fail @ **Fox** , and you are not a disgrace. It was my fault. I was the shitty friend in this situation. I’ll make it up to everyone, and to you Fox. I’ll think of something.

 **[Fox]** Food would suffice.

 **[Joker]** Dinner for a week it is. 

**[Fox]** Delightful!

 **[Panther]** wow he got over that fast

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** welcome to being friends with Inari, the path of forgiveness is through his stomach

* * *

**✧ Oracle ✧**

SEPT 1st 5:07 AM

**[Joker]** Slight problem

 **[Joker]** I actually have no idea how to get down

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** u really r part f*cking cat

* * *

Regrettably, some of his life choices last night did him no favors.

Mistakes had been made. Limits and Lessons had been learned. Unfortunately the hard way.

After miraculously finding a way down off the catwalk without injury into his dorm shower and a fresh set of clothes, Akira managed to show up for his opening shift at Big Bang Blends ten minutes early.

Haru took one look at him when he slinked into the kitchen and immediately said, “Oh dear.” 

Akira spun a damp curl around his finger. “That bad, huh?”

“Uhm.” Haru offered him a wobbling, pitiful smile. “You kind of look like how I would imagine a cat that got caught outside in the rain might feel.”

He let out a self-deprecating chuckle and wandered over to the apron rack. “Fair comparison.” Selecting his off its hook, he pulled it over his head. “I’d add on that the cat also got stuck in a tree and developed a splitting migraine.”

“I know just the thing that’ll sort you out!” Haru hovered over to Akira’s side. “Whenever I--” she paused, considering her words with a finger to her lip, “overindulge,” she settled on with a giggle, “I’ll make myself a cup of my _special_ tea. It instantly clears my head and calms my stomach.” 

Akira’s stomach rolled unpleasantly. “ _Special tea_?”

Haru nodded vigorously. “It works like a charm! And I’m not just saying that because I drink it, I have a friend--well, I might be overstepping if I were to call him that, we aren’t that close,” Haru sighed, “but I make it for him too when he occasionally stumbles in here in a similar state.”

“Do I want to know what’s in it?” he asked hesitantly.

Haru beamed brightly at him. “No.”

Akira groaned.

“I promise it’ll work,” Haru said, wandering out of the kitchen and over to her collection of loose leaf teas that were displayed in clear, sealed jars behind the counter. She called back to him, “You’ll perk up in no time!”

He gave her a weak thumbs up.

Picking up the task list from the side of the walk in freezer, he resigned himself to his fate of ingesting whatever the fuck concotion Haru was going to feed him. It couldn’t have been worse than what he drank last night. In all honesty, he would have been feeling way, _way,_ worse if Yusuke hadn’t convinced him to drink so much water when they got back. Akira would like to think the fact he wasn’t curled up on the floor in the fetal position on the cafe floor was also thanks in part to the Amazake he had chosen to drink the night prior too. But the thought of the non-alcoholic sake made his stomach churn harder so he stopped that train of thought immediately, and focused on setting up the dining area. His head felt like it weighed five pounds heavier than it usually did, which made moving it a bit of a hassle, but he had the opening sheet to finish before the cafe opened and he’d damn himself if he didn’t deliver. 

What his stomach did seem safe to think about was luck stats, and that maybe Futaba was onto something when she had made that off hand comment in their chat last night. Akira was incredibly lucky to have landed _two_ bosses ( _three_ if he counted Sojiro but the man was more like a father than he ever was a boss) who cared more about his well being as a person than as a source of cheap labor. Watching Haru make his tea as he flipped chairs down off the tables only amplified his guilt of showing up before her utterly and unmistakably hungover. 

Being the sloppy friend did not sit well with Akira.

He swore to himself as he pushed in the last chair he took down that this was the first and last time he _ever_ did anything as stupid and irresponsible as he did last night. Not to mention, his luck wouldn’t last if he kept this up. He’d make it up to everyone somehow, and Haru in particular now. He wouldn’t let his current state impact his work.

And once he stopped feeling like dogshit and could form a coherent argument, he was going to have a long, hard talk with whichever one of his personas decided it would be great fucking idea to drink so much, scale the interior of the theatre, and fall asleep on a steel beam no greater than sixty centimeters in width. Because honestly, _what the fuck_?

Even In high school, his “peak stupidity” years, he hadn’t done anything as dumb as this. 

Okay, well, that was a lie.

He had done a lot of stupid, often illegal things (see: petty theft, breaking and entering) in high school that to him, had been justified. He was quite gifted at stealing and knew his way around a lock with professional proficiency, and he had gotten away with it unscathed for a very long time.

Except for the whole getting arrested and put on probation _thing_ , which ironically had been for a crime he didn’t actually commit.

“It’s ready!”

“Thanks, Haru.” 

Akira swung by the to-go counter reaching for the mystery tea waiting for him and continued on.

After thirty minutes of sipping on whatever miracle cure Haru brewed as he checked off the morning set up tasks, it fucking kicked in. The mind fog and nausea disappeared almost entirely, settling his stomach enough that he was able to keep down some Advil and melon pan with Haru for breakfast. Akira could handle the headache until the medicine took over. 

He just couldn’t move too fast or too sudden (Akira was still a little too off balance for that), or turn his neck sharply (thanks to what he had drunkenly decided to use as a pillow the night before). But he powered through it as he set about stocking the various coffee beans in their containers.

The last item on the task sheet they completed together. Prepping the food items for the pastry case with all of the baked goods Haru had made the night before. In addition to mochi, goma dango, and other pastries one would expect to enjoy with tea and coffee, there was always some kind of cake. Meticulously and lovingly decorated, sliced by hand that Haru showcased in her cake display. Today’s selection was a daring one, a pink lemonade cake with delicately applied ombre pink frosting and topped with candied lemon slices that were evenly spaced, each sitting on an artful dollop of whipped white icing. 

“Did you want to try a piece, Akira-kun?”

Akira glanced over from where he was sliding a tray of nerikiri into the case. A plate with a modest slice was being extended to him. Eyeing the color up close, his stomach protested. Apparently still a little too hungover to test the limits of his digestive tract with such an extravagant confection.

“It looks amazing, but I think I’ll stick to the melon pan this time Haru.”

“I can always save it for la--”

A sharp series of knocks interrupted their conversation.

From his position squatting on the floor, he checked the time on his phone. There were still five minutes until the cafe officially opened for the day. Haru had warned him there were always a few people who showed up early and failed to read the sign.

“I’ll get it,” Akira sighed, sliding the door of the pastry case shut. “You finish with the cake. I’ll handle our impatient caffeine addict.” 

“Oh don’t worry the cake’s all done, I just cut the last slice.” Haru waved Akira off. “I can get him.”

_Him?_

He hastily straightened up, brushing a few stray sugary crumbs off his apron and immediately looked over at the entrance. Every muscle in his body seized up. Waiting outside the glass doors was one impeccably dressed and restless looking Akechi Goro. Akechi rolled his shoulder, adjusting the strap of his messenger bag while he checked his phone.

The message Akira sent Akechi last night intrusively echoed in his head the moment the former detective looked up and locked eyes with him. Pocketing his phone into his suit jacket (it had to be custom fit, because there was no way it could have cut his figure that well without tailoring), he lifted his chin ever so slightly. Akechi’s expression twisted wickedly into something that short circuited Akira’s brain.

Oh. 

_Fuck_. 

A war waged between two primal instincts in Akira’s body at the sight, the overwhelming urge to run in the face of danger clashing with a tidal wave of lust. The rush coursed through his veins, freezing him in place. Much like prey that had been cornered, his heart began to thrash against his ribs. 

Akechi’s grin was sharp and salacious, a stark contrast to the innocent and winsome smile that the _T.V. ready Prince_ so often wore. Akira didn’t know him all that well (... _yet_ ), but _God_ , that smile just seemed to suit Akechi _so_ much better.

Akira got to witness this side of Akechi knowing it was reserved for only him for about two whole seconds before Akechi’s face changed, shifting into his composed, manufactured doll-like mask when Haru made it over to let him in.

The transformation gave Akira something pretty close to whiplash. 

Really arousing whiplash.

“Good morning Akechi-san,” she greeted him, holding the door open with a warm smile.

“And same to you, Okumura-san,” he returned politely, stepping past her and into the cafe proper. “Pardon my early arrival, I have quite the busy day planned unfortunately and was hoping to get a jump start.” He brushed aside a few strands of hair that had fallen into his eyes with a gloved hand. “I hope your morning has been going well.”

“It’s barely started,” Akira muttered, reaching for a to-go cup to start Akechi’s order to busy himself with so he wouldn’t stare at the breathtakingly handsome man in front of him. His heart needed a break already. 

Instead of writing Akechi’s name, he doodled a pair of handcuffs with the bold letters A and G within the negative space in each cuff (Akira admired his work for a brief moment and thought Yusuke would be proud). He marked the drink as a caramel latte, recalling what Haru had put down on his cup yesterday. Then proceeded to make a pour over instead. 

Haru flipped the sign to open, and then said, “Very well, so far! I tried out a new cake recipe, you have to try it.”

Akechi laughed, and Akira’s stomach clenched--but this time in an all too pleasant way. Akira diverted his attention from grinding the beans for his drink to watch the detective ( _Fuck!_ ) The sound was light and lyrical, and after what Akira witnessed… sounded totally out of place coming out of the same mouth that had held that smug, voracious grin a moment ago. 

“As much as I would love to, I must decline. I cannot get into the habit of having cake for breakfast.”

“Then you must take a slice with you!” Haru walked past him and over to her cake display, lifting the glass lid and taking a piece out. 

“Alright, if you insist,” Akechi conceded, coming to a stop in front of Akira, who moved on to scooping the grounds into the damp filter..The proximity made it near impossible to keep his eyes off the detective, but Akira somehow managed it, forcing himself to pay attention to his pour. 

“Actually, would you mind if I borrowed your barista for a moment, Okumura-san?”

Akira snapped his head up from his preparations and met Akechi’s eyes once more ( _God damnit!_ ). Which was a really dumb idea as a shock of pain spiked down his neck. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop from wincing.

A dangerous glint appeared in that maroon gaze that catapulted Akira’s thundering heart into his throat. 

“Is he in trouble?” Haru peered over her shoulder from where she was packing a bright pink slice of cake into a to-go container.

“He might be,” Goro murmured just loud enough for Akira to hear, then broke their eye contact to address Haru, “I assure you, nothing of the sort.” He smiled that infuriatingly fake smile at her, complete with an innocent tilt of his head. “I just need to ask him a few questions, in private.”

Haru shot Akira a questioning stare, _Do you need me to say no?_

He shrugged nonchalantly, or as nonchalantly as someone who was having a very intense internal meltdown over an insanely attractive man could, and said, “It’s fine, Haru.” He continued to pour the scalding water in a circular motion over the coffee grounds in the filter, doing his best to quiet all the alarm bells in his head.

His response must have come off convincingly enough because Haru nodded and said, “Well, I can’t see why that would be a problem.” She hesitantly returned Akechi’s smile. “But I will need him back in a bit when the morning rush hits.”

“This shouldn’t take too long,” Akechi turned and gestured to a table in the corner of the cafe--far away enough from the counter that Haru couldn’t possibly overhear their conversation. Then under his breath he added, “As long as Kurusu-kun doesn’t resist, that is.”

Akira cleared his throat, willing his throbbing heart to drop back into its cage between his ribs. “Go on, I”ll join you when I’m finished.”

Akechi nodded, leaving the yen for his coffee on the counter and sauntered away. Akira topped off the pour over and transferred the liquid into the to-go cup. On his way around the counter he snagged what was left of his miracle tea and took a swig. He hoped it would replenish his mental reserves to handle the upcoming verbal sparring match he was sure he was about to walk into. 

Akechi, in his immaculate glory, was leaning back in his chair languidly with one dark clad leg crossed. He watched Akira closely as he wandered over with their drinks. Akira suddenly felt incredibly out classed and underdressed in his usual cardigan-v neck combo he had going on compared to Akechi’s tan suit jacket and pressed button down shirt. 

He slid into the seat opposite Akechi and pushed his coffee across the table. Akechi nodded in thanks and brought it to his lips. 

Akira pretended he didn’t watch the way Akechi’s throat moved as he swallowed his first sip. 

The detective hummed approvingly. “Black.”

“The way you actually like it,” Akira said with a knowing smile. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

“Is it now,” Akechi chuckled darkly against the lid still pressed to his lips. “Sadly, my coffee preferences are the extent of where your knowledge of me ends.”

In the tenuous silence that descended after that statement, they sipped at their respective drinks. Gazes not once wavering off one another.

“I assume you know why I’m here,” Akechi finally said, cutting the tension.

“When I said ‘ _come get me_ ’ I didn’t mean ‘ _corner me at work_ ’,” Akira hissed over his cup of miracle tea. 

He could think of many other, far more superior places he would have loved to be cornered by Akechi in. But Akira kept that part to himself.

The detective leaned forward, resting his chin on his fist. “You do realize if this were a real investigation and I caught you as unaware as you were this morning, you being at work with your Boss present wouldn’t have deterred me.” 

Akira stole a glance at Haru, who was busy writing the specials of the day on their blackboard, then drained the rest of his tea. 

Akechi followed his gaze and continued on in a saccharine tone that contradicted the alluring smile his mouth had split into again, “But since it’s not, I highly doubt you want an audience for when I bend you over the counter and take what I want from you.”

Akira promptly choked. 

Any lingering doubt Akira may have had about Akechi’s preferences evaporated. Akechi knew exactly what he was saying. He had to have, right? There was no heterosexual explanation for that response. 

_Point to Akechi,_ he thought, accepting the fact his face was probably as red as the flowering plant hovering three inches above his head.

“How considerate,” Akira managed to rasp once he got his tea to go down his throat correctly. Swallowing burned like a bitch. Now he had to deal with a sore throat on top of the rebellion being staged by his heart and stomach, and the leftover vertigo from his hangover.

“Will you hand it over now?” the detective asked with a hint of sugar coated venom.

“Hate to disappoint, but you’ll be walking away empty handed this morning. I left it in my room.”

Which wasn’t a lie. In his haste to recover from last night’s escapade and get to work on time, he hadn’t thought to grab the handkerchief. The last thing he expected was this.

“I think you’re sending me mixed signals.”.

“Am I?”

“You tell me you want one thing, then act like you didn’t expect it to come to fruition when I follow through on it so I’m curious,” Akechi titled his head and his hair shifted, shining ethereally in the early morning sun streaming through the window. “What is it you really want, Kurusu?”

 _For you to fuck my brains out_ , Akira thought. But admitting that so bluntly to Akechi’s face felt like defeat. So, he kept the stupid illusion of their game going and leaned in. 

“I want to see if the Detective Prince is really as good at his job as the rumors say he is.” Akira mirrored the detective’s head tilt and offered him a crooked grin. “I won’t be that easy.”

“If you want me to physically remove it from your person, then I must insist from this point forward you carry it with you. If everytime I corner you, you… aren’t ready,” Akechi’s smile grew wider, “then doesn’t that defeat the purpose? And unlike you it seems, my time and attention is limited.”

“Rude.” Akira mimicked the detective’s posture, dropping his chin into his palm. “My time is limited too. I just can’t have you stalking me at work. And--” what Akira really meant to say next was _, I cannot possibly work and retain my sanity with you watching me like_ **_that_ ** _all the time._ But instead said, “--Think of Okumura-san’s business. You’ll scare away her customers.”

Akechi shot him an unimpressed look. “Somehow I highly doubt that.”

 _Wow. Cocky bastard._

"Well,” Akira said, changing tactics by imbuing a little bit of truth, “I imagine you can relate to not wanting to be distracted at work, with your fans and all.”

“They can be...rather inconvenient at times, yes.” Akechi studied him intently. “Alright then. Let’s make a deal.”

“Making a deal with the enemy? Akechi,” Akira feigned a gasp, “don’t tell me you’re a dirty cop.”

The detective snorted into his coffee. “I’m going to choose not to entertain that comment and suggest we establish some ground rules.”

“I thought rules didn’t exist in investigations,” Akira said mischievously. 

“Like I previously stated, good thing this isn’t one, then?”

They shared a private smile.

“I propose this,” Akechi said, straightening up, hands clasped on the table. “From this point on, you will carry it on your person. I will catch you off guard within the next two weeks and take back what is rightfully mine. Our working hours are exempt from this. Obviously, the common spaces in the dormitory will be too by default.Should you ever need me as your RA, that will come first and foremost, I take my duties seriously. As should you. I think you’ll find these terms agreeable and respectful of each other’s time. Unless there are any other locations you want to deem off limits.”

Akira made a show of considering Akechi’s words, tapping a finger against his cheek. This was literally the most drawn out, intellectually charged foreplay Akira had ever engaged in but he couldn’t say it didn’t excite him. In fact, there was something exhilarating about it. 

“No. Everywhere else is fair game.”

“Really?” Akechi inquired, grin breaching that rapacious territory again. “Be careful what you agree to, Kurusu.”

Akira shrugged and leaned back. 

“So,” Akechi prompted, “you won’t say no, will you?”

Of course he was going to accept. So Akira simply said, “I think I’ll hold on to your handkerchief.” And then held out his hand. It felt like the right thing to do.

“Hah, excellent,” Akechi smiled and shook it firmly. The leather was soft and warm as it dragged against Akira’s palm. “Otherwise, I will be forced to order a room inspection and somehow I doubt that is how you want this to play out.”

“If you are inspecting the room while I’m in it, then I might be.”

Right after the words left his mouth, the logical part of his brain that wasn’t stuck on being hungover and horny on main finally spoke up and reminded him of the very important, expulsion worthy, major cockblock that was currently being housed in his room: _Morgana_.

But then Akechi’s mouth upturned devilishly, and suddenly Akira decided he’d cross that furry bridge when he got to it. 

“Well, then. I must be off. Thank you for the coffee,” Akechi said, dropping Akira’s hand as he stood up. “I have an interview taping in…” he checked his phone and sighed, “just over an hour. Hopefully the trains are on schedule.”

Akira tilted his head. “Still doing those?”

“Yes, keeping up appearances on behalf of the precinct,” Akechi explained, “I may be officially on hiatus as a full time student, but I still pick up cases from time to time. The media wants to know how I balance it all.”

“Ah. Explains the get up.”

Akechi bristled at the comment, his nose wrinkling ( _cute!_ ) and brows drawing down as he straightened his already perfectly straight tie. “What’s wrong with my outfit?” 

“Nothing,” Akira teased with a lilt in voice, “It’s nice, maybe a little stuffy.” He deliberately looked Akechi up and down. “But I bet you’d look better out of it, judging by what I saw you wear the last time you showed up here.” He couldn’t fight the coy smile his mouth twisted into even if he tried. “If you’re looking to show off, those shorts from yesterday would do a better job.”

The call out was meant to fluster Akechi, but the detective’s face remained remarkably even toned. Flawless even. Too flawless.

 _Could he be... he's totally wearing makeup._

Akira lifted a brow pointedly. 

_That_ did the trick, earning Akira a heated glare before Akechi turned his head sharply away. The movement roughly shifted the hair around his face, revealing a sliver of skin previously hidden. To Akira’s rapidly dawning delight, the detective’s neck was rapidly turning pink.

“Shut. Up. Kurusu.”

 _Oh, so Akechi blushes all the way down when he’s flustered. Fascinating._ Akira filed the thought away for… later. 

For totally innocent purposes. 

Totally.

Akira stood up and slipped in front of Akechi, demanding to be looked at. Giddy with his new discovery. “Oh? What’s this? He can dish it out but can’t take it?”

Akechi’s eyes flashed as he brought himself up to his full height, and stepped into Akira’s space. Scowling down the few centimeters he had on him, he forced Akira to take a step back. “You,” he said lowly, continuing to move forward, making Akira walk backwards until his back hit the counter, “are a _brat_.”

“Just figuring that out now, _detective_?” Akira smirked. “I thought that was obvious.”

From this close Akira could see just how gorgeous the detective’s eyes truly were. Flecks of light red dotted the center most part of his eyes, giving off the illusion of glittering in the light. He was close enough that if Akira leaned in a fraction more their noses would touch.

A very polite, soft cough came from somewhere on Akira's right. 

The detective’s eyes widened in shock. He quickly put space between them again and turned to face Haru, who was standing in between the kitchen and the counter area looking anywhere but at them.

Akira owed her now a second apology. 

“I wish both of you a good day,” Akechi gracefully recovered and turned on his heel. He flexed his shoulders as he opened the door but stopped with one foot out the door.

“Oh, and Kurusu-kun?” Akechi turned halfway to face him, “Be sure to check your email this afternoon.”

And then he was gone.

* * *

**It’s Always Snack Time in Tokyo**

SEPT 1ST 8:00 AM

**[Takuto Maruki]** Hello! I was going to wait until I saw you in person, but I can’t resist telling you the good news! I submitted the paperwork to bring on an official research assistant. The chair of the department should grant me an answer by the end of the week. The position is yours once I get the documented approval.

 **[Takuto Maruki]** That is, if you are still interested in conducting research with me like you did over the summer

 **[Akira Kurusu]** I am

 **[Takuto Maruki]** Even more wonderful!

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Won’t it be unethical if you don’t let other people apply for the position though?

 **[Akira Kurusu]** You can’t play favoritism 

**[Takuto Maruki]** I, fortunately, get to make the rules in this situation and I wrote that I could appoint the position to any student that met certain criteria and showed promise in the field

 **[Akira Kurusu]** You literally wrote the position description so that only I fit that criteria, didn’t you

 **[Takuto Maruki]** You would be correct! :D

 **[Takuto Maruki]** So if you’re free and want to get a jump start on assisting, I was hoping to recruit you this upcoming Friday to proctor an exam. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** An exam? The second week of class? Savage Sensei

 **[Takuto Maruki]** It is a 300 level that meets M/W/F so the curriculum moves fast. This cohort in particular is grasping the concepts at a much faster rate than the other two I teach for this course. 

**[Akira Kurusu]** When is it? I open the cafe Friday mornings

 **[Takuto Maruki]** 2pm

 **[Akira Kurusu]** Okay, I can make that work. I’ll be there

 **[Takuto Maruki]** Wonderful! :)

* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

SEPT 1st 11:12 AM

  
  
  


**[Skull]** yo i am not back readin any of that

 **[Skull]** wat did i miss?

_✧ Oracle ✧ Changed Skull to Edgelord Can’t Read_

  
  


**[Edgelord Can’t Read]** I CAN EFFIN’ READ!!! 

**[Edgelord Can’t Read]** i said i wasn’t gonna, not that i cant big difference

 **[Edgelord Can’t Read]** ur the one who cant read

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** wow gr8 comeback edgelord im so offended. what r we 7yrs old

 **[Edgelord Can’t Read]** shuddup

* * *

**Gotta Go Fast**

SEPT 1st 11:28 AM

**[Skull]** BRO A CATWALK?! WTF?!?

 **[Skull]** how the eff did u get down??

 **[Joker]** My amazing cat-like reflexes

 **[Skull]** bro

 **[Skull]** how u feelin btw

 **[Joker]** You know that feeling you get when you’re about to go over the hill on a rollercoaster?

 **[Joker]** Like that

 **[Skull]** oof

 **[Skull]** ill make u my ma’s soup when ur shifts over, its the best for this kinda shit

 **[Joker]** Why is everyone being so understanding with me today

 **[Skull]** were ur friends man we gotchu

 **[Joker]** alsdjflskf

 **[Skull]** uh did the rollercoaster drop or smth

 **[Joker]** Haha no

 **[Joker]** Thanks Ryuji

* * *

**The Phantom Thieves of Cats**

SEPT 1st 2:01 PM

  
  


**[Edgelord Can’t Read]** UH HOLY SHIT EVERYONE CHECK UR EMAILS

 **[Panther]** what?? why??

 **[✧ Oracle ✧]** im surprised u even read ur email

 **[Joker]** Oh.

 **[Joker]** Fuck.

* * *

**To:** Shujin Hall_5th Floor

 **From:** Akechi Goro; Niijima Makoto

 **CC:** Kawakami Sadayo

 **Subject:** Violation of Dormitory Rules

Dear Fifth Floor Residents of Shujin Hall,

This is a friendly reminder that there is a strict No Pets Policy in this Residence Hall. A contraband item, a can of pet food, was located on the floor inside the trash room on Friday night. As such, we will be conducting room inspections beginning tomorrow, starting with rooms located in the Girls’ Wing. Let this be an example to all that the consequences for violating this rule will be termination of their dormitory agreement and the loss of their on campus housing status. Any additional charges will be determined by the Residence Hall Director, Kawakami Sadayo. 

If you have any further information on this subject, please feel free to contact us.

We hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend.

Sincerely,

Your Resident Assistants

**Akechi Goro**

University of Tokyo | Class of 20XX  
 _Criminal Justice / Psychology Major | Philosophy Minor  
_ AG710341@mail.u-tokyo.ac.jp

**Niijima Makoto**

University of Tokyo | Class of 20XX  
 _Criminal Justice Major | Psychology & Law Minor  
_NM798448@mail.u-tokyo.ac.jp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this updated a little later than I intended, I got a little sidetracked with a 2/2 idea that rapidly evolved into me outlining an 8 chapter story and going full steam ahead on it [read the thread summary here!](https://twitter.com/salexectria/status/1349465040919949316) I plan on posting a chapter a day until its done, starting 2/2!!
> 
> this has been my brain in 2021 so far (paraphrased from the Cactus Scene in the Good Place):
> 
> me: *writing messages from last night*  
> my brain: good news I was able to locate extra motivation!  
> me: is it actually...another fic idea  
> my brain: i don’t understand  
> me: i would like more motivation to write faster please, is that what you have  
> my brain: i have motivation  
> me: are you sure  
> my brain: that is correct, I have motivation  
> me: excellent *holds out hands*  
> my brain: *hands over a Post-Canon Disaster Blind Valentine’s Date idea*  
> me: *sighs*  
> my brain: but wait there’s more  
> me: wait--  
> my brain: since you finished the anime and the movie *hands over Neon Genesis Evangelion AU*  
> me: MAKE IT STOP WE HAVE TOO MANY AKESHUAKE WIPS ALREADY  
> me: *violently rips open my Google Docs, and points at the Pokemon p5R AU, Among Us/The Thing/Alien AU, The One Where Akechi Turns into a Cat fic, Yaldabaoth God of Control Creates Soulmates & Accidentally Assigns His Chosen Agent of Chaos and Trickster to Oppose Him as Soulmates by Mistake fic, and the Interdimensional Time Travel/Rolel Swap AU that come tumbling out in various stages of completion  
> my brain: Oh...  
> me: ...  
> my brain: ...well anyway *throws an Akeshuake Post-P5RCanon Roommate AU onto the pile and goes back into hibernation*
> 
> someone save me from talking to myself about this --> [salexectria](https://twitter.com/salexectria)


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